I have completed my Ph.D. in cancer biology. I want to apply for a postdoc position in the USA, but my supervisor is not on good terms with me. She is a very quarrelsome and arrogant lady. I am suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. I was a victim of domestic violence, have faced bullying at school and college. My marriage failed, my husband had an affair with another woman. He cheated on me and mentally harassed me. I had to undergo a painful abortion which left a mark on my mind. My lab members (2 women) used to bully me. They would tamper with my samples and put out false accusations about me. They wanted to remove me from the lab so they would harass me. My guide is a credulous person who would believe them and always shout at me. My family didn't support my decision to get a divorce so they never supported me emotionally.
I used to take 5 anti-depressants per day. One day I tried to commit suicide and popped 15 -20 tabs of anti-depressants. Luckily, at that time my brother called me. I revealed to him that I took the pills and he informed my supervisor. I was rushed to the hospital immediately. After a few days, I got the information that the institute authorities removed me from the girl's hostel. One of my lab members, who used to trouble me, went along with her friends to the student committe and complained that they are scared of me since one night they heard me crying out loud in pain before my suicide attempt. Instead of helping me. They demanded to have me removed from the hostel. I was traumatised.
I fell from stairs 3-4 times. I was not able to walk properly. When I resumed working at the lab, nobody spoke with me. My supervisor shouted at me that I brought her shame. She used to bully me and misbehave with me. I apologised for my behaviour so many times. She even called every scientist in the institute and told them that I am a bad person who is not even on good terms with her family. There were so many rumors. A few scientists stood in my support and I was shifted back to the hostel after a few months.
Now this incident happened one year ago. But my supervisor hates me. Although I didn't say a single word about my lab members and my supervisor in front of the police at the time of my suicide attempt. She always complains that I was depressed because of my husband and I attempted suicide. This brought shame to her. I am a little worried. Can she spoil my career? What if she doesnt give me a nice recommendation letter? Also, she delayed the submission of my papers. But now finally those two papers got submitted. The main problem is that when somebody instigates her, she immediately reacts and starts shouting without even thinking. She even gets angry if I dont click on photos with my lab members. I know it is a very long story but i am really depressed. I lost husband, a baby and have no family support. And now she is adding to my problems........