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In the context of writing formal letters, usually it is required to mention person's credentials, e.g., their degree along with the dat on which the degree was conferred.

I was wondering if it would be OK if I wrote something with the format:

<'degree title'> conferred upon <'name'> by <'the dept., college, university'> on<'data of the award'>.

Is it too long for a formal letter? You might also need to add opening words, something like:

This is to further acknowledge that The College of Computer and Information Sciences at XYZ University conferred a Master of Science in Computer science upon Ms.Sara XYZ on 1st of July 2011.

Note: if the addressing language looks odd in the example, it is because the letter will be signed by the registration office.

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  • I thought about going to the university that matched my last name, just for kicks. Decided not to, figured I'd get a lot of jokes.
    – Azor Ahai -him-
    Commented Mar 14, 2016 at 5:49

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A sentence like you present looks just fine to me: there's nothing wrong with being a bit formal in an official formal statement, and although the sentence isn't short, it's not too long and it's very straightforward to understand.

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