Is it normal to feel dread before starting a faculty position?

Question

I need some advice. After several months of interviews and work, I secured a faculty position at a good business school, which was a relief since jobs are so hard to get around here. Everyone tells me I'm lucky to get such a good job since I'm coming right out of grad school.

It's been about two months since I took the job, and I've started to receive teaching allocations etc for the coming semester. I should be really excited and happy about all of this, but instead, every time I think about starting this new job, instead of excitement I just feel awful: afraid, nervous, like I'm making a huge mistake and I want to cry. I can't figure out why. I feel like I'm supposed to want this and I just don't feel positive about it. I worked so so hard to earn it but now it doesn't feel like a prize. I just have this overwhelming sense that I'm going to be absolutely miserable. I don't know if it's just about the B-school thing, or academia in general, or just because I'm nervous about being a real adult for the first time, or because I know people who have had a hard time with teaching etc, but I'm confused that I can't tell these apart.

Am I naive for thinking that I should be excited and overjoyed about this job? Does it mean I'm a normal academic that I feel dread, or a terrible academic that I don't see it as an opportunity (besides the great salary)? Does it just make me a privileged a-hole that I'm expecting to feel joy but I don't? I would appreciate any words of advice, your experience with before job jitters/dread and whether it gets better or whether I may be making a huge mistake? So confused!

Answer 1

It's perfectly normal to feel the way you do. Part of it is likely fear of the unknown; part is fear of a new job with "adult" responsibilities; part of it might even be fear about whether you can do the job (the infamous Imposter Syndrome). Transitions are always a stressful time, and I don't think we give ourselves enough time to adjust.

This also reminds me of a survey that discovered that people who just got tenure are the unhappiest of all faculty. The similarity is in the striving for a prize that's difficult to get, and then getting it ! In both cases, there's an element of letdown, and "I did all this work for THIS ?"

One technique that I've found useful when dealing with these kinds of feelings is to try and focus on the concrete rather than the bigger picture: in your case, maybe focusing on logistics issues related to the transition rather than the bigger picture.

I've also found as a rule of thumb (both personally and with others) that it can take upto 6 months to feel some level of comfort in a new position. That's a long time.

Answer 2

When I was in grad school, I worked as a resident advisor in the grad student dorms, and a big chunk of my job was to be there for other graduate students when they needed help or someone to talk to. My supervisor taught me to ask "What are your concerns?" when people came to me to express that they were afraid or nervous about something. I was quite amazed to see how often that calmed them down, because it turned out that they rarely actually had any specific concerns. It's not that they actually believed that certain specific bad things would happen to them, they were just nervous about being in situations they were not familiar or comfortable with.

I'm saying this because I note that you don't mention any specific concern in your post. Instead I read the familiar vague feeling of being "afraid, nervous, like I'm making a huge mistake and I want to cry". So I want you to think about this question: "What are your concerns?"

Answer 3

Ok...

It may help you to know that

1. Women are much more prone to this sort of feeling than men for no competence related reason at all. It's just that society had conditioned you more to doubt yourself, to try to be perfect, and generally to introvert more - which is often a good thing, but not in this particular case.

2. Competent people are much more likely to worry about their competence than incompetent ones: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect

Both these things are irrational! Accept that you feel this way and then say: "So what? Frak it, I'm going to get up there and teach. I may not be perfect, but I'm going to make a solid plan and follow it, so rationally, nothing can go too far wrong. The students aren't idiots: if I miss something important, one of them will ask, and that will cue me to tell the others. This isn't landing a 747 or performing neurosurgery - there are plenty of opportunities to recover from my mistakes. Voices in my head, shut up already!"

Answer 4

Is this step on the critical path towards your long-term goals? It's good to think 20 years ahead. If you stay on this track, in 20 years' time you will be senior faculty, have N students, M publications, P dollars, H ideas for publications, non-quantifiable collaborations and disagreements with most international colleagues working in your sub-sub-field. Is this enough? Imagine this is now. Is this the best possible outcome for you? Most likely yes, because it is so for the majority. Then focus on the fact that you are on the right track.

If your dream is different or more specific, but it's necessary to have a faculty position for it, then keep working hard! Working hard is the only way to enjoy living to 100%!

Otherwise, revise your plan. Do you want two incompatible things? Then one has to give way. Don't let the path of least resistance dictate where you go. You are in control of your life, and this aspect was hard-earned by many generations of people who weren't, so don't throw it away too easily. Also, nobody really deeply cares about what steps you take to reach your goals, except you, so don't let the perceived 'opinion of others' dictate what path you take. However, the bigger the decision, the longer the cooling-off period before committing to it!

My best guess is that it is the reluctance people get when they are just about to spend a lot of energy on something. That should wear off over a few weeks after you dive in.

Answer 5

Skunkness, I hope you found the other answers helpful.

Do be honest, I do not find it normal that you feel like this at this point of time. And I think that one reason that you ask the question here is that you do not find it normal yourself.

In change management theory, I have learned that the first phase of a new challenge is normally excitement, even euphoria. The down phase comes some time after you started the new job, the moment when you find that - even if it was a really good choice you made - there are drawbacks, there's routine that you don't like and that there's a lot of work you still need to do before you really become excellent at the new job.

And it happens like this most of the time - I speak from personal experience, as well as watching other people on new assignments.

But that doesn't mean it must be like this. Still people are different.

I don't know if maybe women are different from men here, but I must admit that I immediately thought that you were female. And again sorry to say for all those who claimed gender has nothing to do with this problem: men and women are quite different in job behavior. I have supervised a lot of males and females, and there is a clear pattern: while men tend to overestimate their achievements, women underestimate them - cliche yes, but statistically true.

So maybe user15677 is quite correct with comment 1, and (s)he has made quite a point that it has nothing to do with your achievements and qualifications.

If user15677 is right, then you should not worry too much. This phase will pass. Look to cheer you up with something, pamper yourself a bit. Develop some routine you like - simple things like seeing where to get the best coffee at your new job, or maybe there's a nice place to take a stroll after lunch.

However, your current state could point to the fact that you are unhappy for some reason with your decision. I think you should ask yourself the following: are your feelings mostly connected with yourself? Then see this as a passing phase. You've done well, you have the job you wanted, and you are just a little exhausted.

If you find that these feelings are connected to certain details of the new job, then find out how you can improve these things.

Most important: you have a hard time behind you. You need some rest. Take your time now. Even if you find out that you made a bad choice - now is the time to collect energy. If you need to change your decision, give yourself some time first,

Answer 6

I felt the same way when I was offered a full-time lecturer position. Get this -- it was even at an institution where I'd already been teaching for a decade, knew everyone involved, already taught all the same classes, was roundly supported by everyone in the department, and where I consistently said to everyone that I loved teaching there. I knew it was crazy, but I was totally morose for a few weeks in the summer before starting the new job title.

Here's the best I can process that: You're making a big life change, and one opportunity is being pursued, and some other possibilities are being left behind. It's probably natural (for some of us) to have a period of grieving. We're not kids anymore and one part of our life is behind us, with other parts now in better focus ahead.

So at least in my case, after the "wake" period, I've been finding my new position spectacularly better than before. The new things and added responsibilities and contacts are some things I've been missing out on for years, and the more I do the better it gets all the time. Of course, none of us are completely locked into any job permanently; if it turns sour for any of us we can look elsewhere and make a change. Judging on overall emotional trajectory, I would hope and bet that you'll have a great experience ahead of you; if you care enough to feel any emotion over it at all, then likely that's a sign you'll be a caring, sensitive, and successful teacher.