I need some advice. After After several months of interviews and work, I secured a faculty position at a good business school, which was a relief since jobs are so hard to get around here. Everyone tells me I'm lucky to get such a good job since I'm coming right out of grad school.
It's been about two months since I took the job, and I've started to receive teaching allocations etc for the coming semester. I should be really excited and happy about all of this, but instead, every time I think about starting this new job, instead of excitement I just feel awful: afraid, nervous, like I'm making a huge mistake and I want to cry. I can't figure out why. I feel like I'm supposed to want this and I just don't feel positive about it. I worked so so hard to earn it but now it doesn't feel like a prize. I just have this overwhelming sense that I'm going to be absolutely miserable. I don't know if it's just about the B-school thing, or academia in general, or just because I'm nervous about being a real adult for the first time, or because I know people who have had a hard time with teaching etc, but I'm confused that I can't tell these apart.
Am I naive for thinking that I should be excited and overjoyed about this job? Does it mean I'm a normal academic that I feel dread, or a terrible academic that I don't see it as an opportunity (besides the great salary)? Does it just make me a privileged a-hole that I'm expecting to feel joy but I don't? I would appreciate any words of advice, your experience with before job jitters/dread and whether it gets better or whether I may be making a huge mistake? So confused!
