What should I [34/F] do about my rude and mean supervisor [60s/F] when I want to finish my PhD?

Question

Since the beginning of my PhD (in psychology), I have felt that my principal supervisor has an issue with me. She has always looked at me in an unpleasant way and behaved dismissively.

I have a lot of health problems, including a visible disability (a hand tremor), and she seems to be resentful of this, but I don't understand why.

She's at the top of her field and everyone thinks she's great. She doesn't treat anyone else like this.

There have been a few incidents which stand out lately:

• When I had a health problem as the result of COVID (raised intracranial pressure), she raised the possibility that it was caused by stress, and I said that no, COVID led directly to a neurological complication (I have idiopathic intracranial hypertension). Then she said, "well, we all know how the biopsychosocial model works..."
• I lost my job after a month because of poor fit (unrelated to PhD). In response she asked if they met me in person before hiring me (they did), insinuating that they wouldn't have hired me if they knew I had a disability.
• She told me I was going to have a hard time at my Confirmation of Candidature because the School were hesitant regarding my health problems. I said that I would take it to HR and the legal team if there were an issue, and she said, "yeah, they're woke city". At Confirmation, everyone was actually very accepting of my health issues and gave my supervisors a hard time for putting me through the ringer.
• I have recently developed a problem that has been giving me vertigo. I had to explain because my supervisor couldn't understand why this meant I couldn't travel to a conference on the other side of the world. When I explained some more, she was like "oh, so can you go to the movies if it affects your vision?" I said I probably wouldn't go to the movies at the moment, and she said, "oh, you're like a little girl in a bubble!"
• She then continued the conversation to ask if these problems run in my family. Some do, some don't, but no one has as many health problems as me. She says, "you're the black sheep of your family!" I said "no, my family isn't like that". And she corrected herself, "well, the genetic black sheep!"
• Whenever any part of my PhD is extended unnecessarily, she says, "oh well, you're part-time - you've got 10 years!" I've made it clear multiple times that I don't want to take 10 years.

She always makes sure to deliver these insults quickly, in the middle of conversations, and with a smile, so there's not much opportunity to respond.

There was an incident, which made me wonder if it was the source of her resentment. She was showing me a website called Cancer Atlas, which shows you cancer stats around Australia by suburb.

I looked up my suburb, and it was about 30% lower than the national average, and she said, "yeah, because you're rich!" I said that I think it was because there were more people working in white collar professions where they weren't exposed to environmental toxins, and she said "because you're rich!" I'm not that rich, but I do live in a wealthy area.

I was also meant to be doing a project which was related to a grant she received, but she changed her mind, and I'm now developing a new topic, which requires me to build an online intervention independently. I'm also required to pay for the website.

I'm not sure what to do. My research is in quite a specific area - psycho-oncology, and there is no one else who specialises in this at my university. I don't feel confident travelling 24 hours in a plane to go to a conference with her, and she also hasn't listed me as one of her supervisees on the university website.

I want to get my PhD, but I also don't want to sacrifice my mental health.

Thank you!

Answer 1

Assume that there is nothing you can do to stop her being mean. There is a decent chance that you could get someone to tell her off, but there is ultimately no way a university can force its staff to actually be good PhD supervisors. Pushing back against her might contribute to an overall better system (it helps to de-normalize such behaviour), but it will probably not help you personally.

So the options for you are sticking it out or looking for a better supervisor.

Some important things to consider in making your decision:

1. Are you planning to continue in academia after your PhD? If so, you really want a supportive PhD advisor. It seems unlikely that you'd get the necessary supportive letters of recommendation from her.
2. Is she just mean, or is it plausible that she would actively sabotage your PhD? Check your universities regulations to see how much power your supervisor has.
3. Regarding your mental health: Imagine her making comments like this for years and years. Is this something you can shrugg off? Some people can just file stuff like this away under "shit shitty supervisors say", but there is no shame if you aren't one of them. If the hope that she will stop soon is essential to you coping with the situation, you need to get out of the situation asap.

Answer 2

I think you have two options. Stick it out or switch to a new supervisor, even at a new university. I'd guess the best option is the first as you are deep into the program and there are no guarantees that a new one will be an improvement. But that is just my guess.

In particular, complaining about her to some higher authority is probably going to be counterproductive in the long run. As others and yourself have noticed, she has the power to negatively (or positively) affect your future. Moreover, there is a chance that she doesn't even recognize that she is being insensitive. People "on the spectrum" can act like that and there are plenty of such people in academia, perhaps even more so among the "top" performers where intense focus is an advantage. Given the nature of your comments, I'd guess that she would be surprised that your interpretation of her remarks is so different from her own.

The other issue is to take care of your own mental state. Telling you to "just let it go" is probably not enough and you might seek guidance from a mental health professional about effective strategies for dealing with this.

Answer 3

These are very bad signs:

... she said "because you're rich!" I'm not that rich, but I do live in a wealthy area...

I was also meant to be doing a project which was related to a grant she received, but she changed her mind, and I'm now developing a new topic, which requires me to build an online intervention independently. I'm also required to pay for the website.

FWIW, I have a close family member who phrased something in a way with their advisor at the outset which led the advisor to believe that they were independently wealthy. This led the advisor to eagerly accept them, but with no funding, and as time progressed, they obviously had no plan to graduate the person with a PhD. Apparently it was too profitable to have the student around, doing gruntwork, and partly funding the department out-of-pocket.

In the end, my family member could not get a PhD from that department, and had to switch to an entirely different program, ultimately getting a PhD in a different field at the same university. It's only one data point, but in my experience an advisor who is dragging their feet about awarding the PhD, and believes they can get an apparently wealthy student to fund their projects on an ongoing basis, is running something of a scam.

Answer 4

(Copy/pasting a previous answer of mine. It's not the same situation, but the answer is similar.)

Talk to your graduate program director. These are faculty members whose role includes addressing student concerns. Here's an example:

Graduate Program Directors are responsible for managing all aspects of their graduate programs and for advising students on academic matters.

The GPD must have a strong commitment to graduate education and be willing to devote the necessary time and resources to ensure the smooth day-to-day functioning and overall academic quality of the graduate program. The GPD functions as the primary point of contact for all academic matters concerning Doctoral and Master’s students in the program and facilitates conversation between the graduate degree program, the academic department and GPS.

And one of the responsibilities is:

Advises students how to resolve problems that may arise during their program

Given that you're [deep] into the program, you've likely encountered them already, since one of their other roles is "Works with faculty members to monitor the progress of students throughout the graduate program". They might have, e.g., been present during the annual review of your progress (if you have such a review). They might even have asked you if you have any problems with your supervisor. You've encountered a problem, so they can help you resolve it.