I have completed five years in my Ph.D. (computer science) in a reputed research institute in India. The area of my research is not Machine Learning or Data Science, nothing to do with data. I have one publication in a reputed conference, and another paper which I have written and I had submitted but it got rejected and now I am working on it some more.
My friends and family will describe me as an extremely cheerful and jovial personality. But I am not happy. It is majorly because of my current situation in my Ph.D. and my advisor. They are an extremely manipulative person I have ever met in my life. There have been only a few occasions when they were happy about the progress that I am making. The thing which bothers me the most is that they never give any suggestions from his side. I don't know whether it is because they want me to think of my research independently or because they hate me. I think the latter. They have told me many times in the past that I should only meet with them when I have something constructive so that the precious time of my advisor is wasted to the minimum. I go to the meeting with an idea (of the third and last project), and they are not satisfied. I go with another idea and they ask me critical questions (which I am thankful for because I consider them as feedback) and if there is a flaw in my idea or approach, they give me a lecture on my competency (being in 5th year, I should have thought about the answer before coming in). So, next time I go with a solid approach that I took 2 weeks or so to formulate (after thinking and reading papers and doing research). At this stage, they tell me that they can not see any progress and that we have been discussing this design and problem in the air for very long. Is it not the technique? To formulate a problem, think about how you want to solve it and then discuss it? Am I mistaken somewhere? Is it all about churning about results and fast?
Today there was a meeting and I went in with a solid plan to discuss (I was confident that this meeting will be fruitful and I will not be suffering any reprimand). I spoke it and we discussed the idea (that was the agenda of our meeting). But after a while, they got into the scope of this project and the difficulty of it and that I should target something else (no suggestions about what). They went back to the earlier project and started discussing what my plans were regarding that project. Why is it taking so much time (they want results, and fast). Today I felt like crying in the meeting, I was humiliated and ridiculed and compared with a RA who has joined after B.Tech. (not claiming any superiority points here). I was asked how many papers I read in the past few days, how many hours do I put in my research each day. I said I have been preparing for a talk, for a doctoral symposium and they say it should not have taken more than a day. I know this is not a normal routine for most Ph.D. students. I am eaten up by this feeling that my advisor never appreciates me and that I will never be in their good books. Many will suggest that I should communicate with him but I have zero hopes with such a meeting because as I said, they are an extremely manipulative person and they will not conclude the talk in any one way.
I am open to any criticism and I am ready to work on myself. Because I know I have not been the star student that they expect. I work 5-6 hours each day. But if it is not the way it is supposed to be, I do not want to be in this hell-hole, there will be many other prospects. I do not regret spending five years and then leaving without a degree.
