How does a suspended student deal with an unprofessional university counselor?

Question

I am a suspended student and I have been getting counseling for three months. During those three months, I have noticed extremely unprofessional behavior from my counselor.

When I started counseling, he was late each time. The first time he was late 10 minutes, the next 20 minutes and the third time 30 minutes.

Last week I had a counseling appointment and I drove 35 minutes to get on campus only to find out that the counselor was absent. He didn't email me or tell me not to come, nothing.

After my suspension period ends, the counselor has to decide whether I am fit to come back to the university or not, and many times I get literally threatened with not coming back - if for example I do this or that behavior. I literally get told "then, you're not coming back to the university".

Often, I see the counselor is eating while with me and he has no respect for the appointments for other students as well. Phone calls aren't answered. Emails aren't often answered except some few after three or four days.

There was couple of times when our counseling session was about literally 5 minutes. I came in, he asked me what I did in the week, then he said "Okay, I'll see you next time". And, he went on to work on the computer.

Additional Information: My counseling session was in the morning around 9:00AM every Tuesday. Suddenly, once day, without even taking my opinion, he says that someone else took the appointment at 9:00AM. He switched my appointment till 5:00PM. I objected. He said he had an emergency and it was more important than me. He said he had no other time than this time, at 5:00PM. I found out later that the person who took my appoitment was a customer for him, who is not a student.

What should I do? On one side, I can't ditch the counselor since that would jeopardize my coming to the university. On another side, I do not want a counselor to help me deal with another counselor.

For those who are asking, my suspension is behavioral suspension and not academic suspension, and the counselor stated that I suffer from depression based on tests that I took.

Answer 1

I suggest getting another counselor, not to help you cope with the first one, but to help you with the issues that got you suspended in the first place.

The combination of counselor and gatekeeper for your return to the university seems to me to be an inherent problem. It would be difficult to be really frank with the gatekeeper.

Answer 2

To be completely honest, the most productive tip you can likely get in this situation is to, well, suck it up. On the one hand, you say that the counselor is ultimately responsible for deciding whether you can go back or remain suspended. On the other hand, while his behavior is certainly annoying and unprofessional, is it really damaging enough to you that you would want to get into a fight with him about it that can very easily end with you remaining suspended? Is the counselor's unprofessional behavior really a hill that you wish to (academically) die on?

Considering these two points, it seems to me that the rational answer to

What should I do?

would be to hold still and wait until your suspension is over, and then being happy to (presumably) never having to deal with the obnoxious counselor again.

Answer 3

His behaviour does seem to be unprofessional. However, like some of the other answers, I would advise you to just keep your head down. Why?

If you are on suspension, you must have done something wrong. Therefore, whatever you say now - especially if it is criticising an university employee's work ethic - will have, at best, very little value to whomever you talk to. At worst, this might work against you ("This student even has trouble getting along with his counselor").

Again, I'm not saying you are wrong but with your current status, it is more likely than someone with authority will side with a fellow university employee than a suspended student.

Answer 4

I must oppose the just keep your head down point of view.

This is the same coping mechanism battered wives and hostages resort to. It's not healthy.

You are not in a position of authority but that doesn't mean you are powerless. You will lose what little power you have if you respond by acting unprofessional yourself.

The counselor has a supervisor and peers. They are the checks on his power. It's up to them to decide if the counselor is acting unprofessional. It's up to you to convince them to either do something about him or at least find another accommodation for you.

he has no respect for the appointments for other students

Then talk to the other students. Go complain together. A mass of complaints is more convincing than one disgruntled student.

Lets look at your complaints:

• late
• absent
• eats during sessions
• often unresponsive when contacted
• slow to respond
• changes appointments unilaterally

The problem here is even if every one of these were provably true there isn't much here to say it's shockingly bad. It's really how much each is done that makes them truly bad. Consider: how many have you ever been guilty of?

That means you have to document this. You can't just show what. You have to show how much. How often.

Start taking notes on it. Get other students to corroborate your notes. Dates, times, everything.

Armed with that you can go talk to other counselors and ask them if they can help you. You can make a formal complaint to his supervisor.

Go to them with one simple question. Is this behavior acceptable?

That is, if your goal is to get him in trouble.

If you just want to get a different counselor go ask for one.

For those who are asking, my suspension is behavioral suspension and not academic suspension, and the counselor stated that I suffer from depression based on tests that I took.

School counselors can't treat you for clinical depression. Talk to a real doctor. Other than that don't let them use it as an excuse to dismiss you. Don't let anyone with an adversarial relationship with you try to talk you through it. Talk to someone who's only goal is to help you. Depressed students have rights too.

If this works out and you get your way, I do hope you are kind.

Answer 5

Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. I for one am not surprised that a counselor, with power over his clients, could behave unprofessionally.

That being said, be careful as to the stories you tell yourself about this guy.

Additional Information: My counseling session was in the morning around 9:00AM every Tuesday. Suddenly, once day, without even taking my opinion, he says that someone else took the appointment at 9:00AM. He switched my appointment till 5:00PM. I objected. He said he had an emergency and it was more important than me. He said she had no other time than this time, at 5:00PM. I found out later that the person who took my appointment was a customer for him, who is not a student.

It doesn't matter if the customer was a student or not, if that customer had new suicidal thoughts, or dealing with a relative who was at risk of killing himself/herself, or at risk of hurting others, the counselor would be obligated to talk to that person.

And unless you're a mind-reader, there is no way you could know for sure why that person was given your slot since your counselor is under the strict ethical and legal obligation not to share private information about his other patients with you.

Phone calls aren't answered. Emails aren't often answered except some few after three or four days.

This can be especially tricky, because I don't know the full story.

It could be that he's incompetent, or that he doesn't care, but it could also be that some patients expect counseling sessions over the phone and over email, and that he doesn't get paid for doing that. Chances are, the first thing his voice mail says is to hang up and call 911 if it's in an emergency, because his University clinic probably doesn't have the extra staff, the extra budget, or the extra insurance in place to handle emergency calls and emergency emails 24 hours a day or 7 days a week.

Often, I see the counselor is eating while with me and he has no respect for the appointments for other students as well.

This part, I agree. Because he has power over you (and over other students), he probably doesn't care about eating in front of you (or in front of those other students).

The same goes for his absence and late arrivals. Unfortunately, most of your sessions seem to be at 9 AM, so you're one of his patients who's probably the most affected when he's late.

In these cases, I do hope that you're already asking other staff members what is going on when you've showed up and the counselor is nowhere to be found. And this is also the time to ask if there is any other counselor you could be transferring to in the future because of his repeated actions.

That should be your primary objective, either to change counselors, or to schedule a time slot in which he is more likely to show up in. Focus on feasible and concrete outcomes for yourself. You could try getting your counselor in trouble for the purpose of retribution, or you could try getting your counselor in trouble to make sure he is never late for any other patient/student (not just for yourself), but if you ever feel that is your motivation, stop yourself before you overextend yourself.

Try to switch counselors, do not try to change him. If switching is not possible. Learn to let go of the things that you don't control. It's really not the end of the world if he ends up eating during your sessions, or if you miss a counseling session (as long as you're not the one who gets blamed for it). And I'd recommend you listen to audiobooks or youtube videos from Byron Katie. She is very good and all of her work is about the topic of letting go.

Answer 6

The counselor's conduct here is egregious. For a counselor, being 10-30 min late to appointments, ENDING SESSIONS AFTER 5 MINUTES, and regularly eating during appointments is completely unacceptable. He is taking advantage of a vulnerable patient. He should be providing you with mental health care and instead he's taking a paid lunch break.

I'm not sure what your particular situation is, but when universities require suspended students undergo counseling and then get cleared by the therapist, they often offer—but not require—a school therapist. If you use an independent therapist, their focus is what's best for you. They will advocate for you. If you use a school therapist, especially one that works closely with admin, they are often also concerned with what's best for the school. For example, occasional marijuana use is not going to concern a normal therapist re: your ability to return to school (unless they've been specifically asked to evaluate your drug use). A school therapist might feel differently.

And sometimes stuff like this happens. Ugh.

If you have the option to switch to an independent therapist and have enough time left (at least a few months), do that. You were flagged for depression, and you owe it to yourself to take that seriously. This guy is not providing you with actual mental health care.

If you can switch, I wouldn't consider it jeopardizing your return. There's some risk, but getting someone that will actually advocate for you is worth it.

Finding the right therapist involves finding someone you get along with. This is true for everyone. It is completely normal to switch therapists because it's just not a good fit. If you need to talk to the admin about switching, I would just say that it's not a good fit. You could elaborate by saying that he is often late or cuts appointments off early and you would like to find someone who can spend more time with you. Until you're reinstated, you don't want to come off as though you're blaming him, but you can explain why you'd like to switch without being blameful.

Answer 7

Document everything and give it to their supervisor once the decision about your suspension is made.

Answer 8

You got suspended for a reason, you need to focus on that and make adjustments to never put yourself in this situation.

It is your responsibility to keep yourself out of trouble, take it as a life lesson and avoid this type of situation.

He's unprofessional with you but you are dealing with a suspension so it is not in your favor.

You put yourself in this situation.

They have lost some respect for you.

To earn respect you have to give respect.

If you have to be angry, be angry at yourself.

Take this anger and turn it into positivity.

Be accountable and just focus on making positive changes.

Answer 9

I'm going to slightly disagree with the OP, and others here. I also understand that not everyone will agree with me.

Basically, I don't see the "extremely unprofessional" behavior you describe as completely horrific, or even actually unprofessional. It's annoying or a bit selfish, at most, but I wouldn't even call it "unprofessional". Being late a couple of times is annoying, it's only very mildly unprofessional, but we don't know precisely the situation. Maybe the counselor had some justification. Eating in the session---well, that's actually legitimate in many cases. This is not a psychotherapy session, this is university counseling (you can't expect 5 stars hotel standards if you go to a 1 star hotel!).

Overall, the counselor didn't, e.g., ask you for money, or god forbid sexually harassed you, or cursed you, or done things that are grossly unprofessional. He is being informal, not unprofessional. There's a fine line here between informality and unprofessionalism, but it is not clear that he/she crossed the line.

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Let me explain again: I argue that "extreme unprofessional" behavior, as you describe it, should be stated only for behaviors that interfere critically with the cause of the profession (in this case counseling). Eating in a a meeting does not interfere in the counseling process. The same with being late.

I believe that complaining about "extreme unprofessional behavior" when someone eats in a meeting is a bit petty. I would agree if you say that e.g. "the counselor is a bit clumsy and slightly unprofessional". But to actually complain about this, and describe it as "extreme" unprofessional behavior, is not correct, in my opinion.