Timeline for Mistook new faculty member to be a student, how big a faux pas is it?
Current License: CC BY-SA 3.0
7 events
| when toggle format | what | by | license | comment | |
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| Feb 18, 2017 at 0:15 | comment | added | Pushpendre | Thanks for the answer. The conversation really was exactly the way it happened, and basically alarm bells started ringing in my head that I was being socially awkward, so I quickly said that I had to leave and left asap. My plan is to 1) not bring this up again, and 2) Remember her face so that this mistake does not happen again. | |
| Feb 18, 2017 at 0:10 | vote | accept | Pushpendre | ||
| Feb 17, 2017 at 19:43 | comment | added | trikeprof | What I tell people in general (based on my own experiences, anyway), is that you have to have a reeeeeeeeeally good reason to refer to physical appearance or ask about relationship status. From my perspective, an apology for mistaking me for a student is an okay place to (briefly!) refer to my looking young, because it's an explanation meant to help the person regain some face. Likewise, commenting on what I'm wearing is usually not a very good idea, but if I e.g. accidentally sat in a puddle and didn't notice, a careful way of pointing it out in the interests of being helpful is fine! (2/2) | |
| Feb 17, 2017 at 19:36 | comment | added | trikeprof | Sure thing! I can't speak for every woman ever, but from my perspective, "Sorry, you look really young!" is neutral (I wouldn't take it as a compliment, but it'd only be insulting if the person kept going and emphasized their commentary about my appearance). These examples are all totally hypothetical, but something like, "Whoa, really? Are you sure you're old enough to be a professor?" or "Wow, you look younger than my daughter," would strike me as condescending, and anything along the lines of, "Oh good, so it'd be safe to date you," even if meant as a joke, I'd find creepy. (1/2) | |
| Feb 17, 2017 at 19:15 | comment | added | user3644640 | Could you open up those: "trying to be patronizing, or covered it up in a way that introduced some creepiness" I think there is a true risk that OP is on his way to some of these, if my woman-English vocabulary is right. | |
| Feb 17, 2017 at 18:25 | comment | added | Dirk | Glad to finally see an answer by a woman! (Judging by the other usernames…) This should be the top answer. | |
| Feb 17, 2017 at 17:35 | history | answered | trikeprof | CC BY-SA 3.0 |