In your shoes, if I were applying for a PhD program, I might be thinking in terms of an "ABD" (All but dissertation.)

From the sound of it, "grit not brain" will get you through your PhD courses. You likely will pass the "comprehensive" examination. And then the fear is that you will "freeze up" when it comes time to write the dissertation because you are behindhand in "natural" (as opposed to synthetic), talent compared to others.

You will have to balance these real concerns against the benefits of "taking courses" and getting as far as you can, before possibly running up against a brick wall with your thesis.

This was basically my story (some decades ago). I was "counseled out" of a PhD program by a dean who observed that I had the preparation and the brains for the program, but lacked the "spark," "thirst," or drive that would see others through, but maybe not me.

What's worse, as an honors history undergraduate, I had trouble finding a senior thesis topic, and spent the first part of my senior year wondering if I could graduate, and thinking about writing a "trivial" paper that would earn a C. In the middle of the first semester, I stumbled on a viable topic that earned me departmental honors.

I can see one of three outcomes for you. 1) A "light bulb" will go off in your head at some point before you approach the end of the PhD program. If this happens, you're fine. 2) You will somehow squeak through, not quite knowing how you did it, and come out of the process a bit shell-shocked. 3) Neither of the above will happen, as you feared, in which case you might "bail out" as an "ABD."

I can't predict the outcome for you, but am sharing my experience. Just understand what the risks are, take into account your circumstances, and (hopefully) make the best decision for you.

In your shoes, if I were applying for a PhD program, I might be thinking in terms of an "ABD" (All but dissertation.)

From the sound of it, "grit not brain" will get you through your PhD courses. You likely will pass the "comprehensive" examination. And then the fear is that you will "freeze up" when it comes time to write the dissertation because you are behindhand in "natural" (as opposed to synthetic), talent compared to others.

You will have to balance these real concerns against the benefits of "taking courses" and getting as far as you can, before possibly running up against a brick wall with your thesis.

This was basically my story (some decades ago). I was "counseled out" of a PhD program by a dean who observed that I had the preparation and the brains for the program, but lacked the "spark," "thirst," or drive that would see others through, but maybe not me.

What's worse, as a history undergraduate with mostly As, I had trouble finding a senior thesis topic, and spent the first part of my senior year wondering if I would be able to graduate, and thinking about writing a "trivial" paper that would earn a C. In the middle of the first semester, I stumbled on a viable topic that earned me departmental honors.

I can see one of three outcomes for you. 1) A "light bulb" will go off in your head at some point before you approach the end of the PhD program. If this happens, you're fine. 2) You will somehow squeak through, not quite knowing how you did it, and come out of the process a bit shell-shocked. 3) Neither of the above will happen, as you feared, in which case you might "bail out" as an "ABD."

I can't predict the outcome for you, but am sharing my experience. Just understand what the risks are, take into account your circumstances, and (hopefully) make the best decision for you.