Timeline for How to build healthy working relationships with my male colleagues as a young-ish, attractive-ish woman?
Current License: CC BY-SA 4.0
8 events
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| Oct 26, 2018 at 0:38 | comment | added | robert bristow-johnson | //*So I confess I am a bit confused as to what you mean and why your wife is relevant to the OP's question.*// i wouldn't want my wife to be seriously flirting with another man. it might make me and our marriage seem a bit insecure. i imaging my wife feels the same. that said, a cute chick, mildly provocatively dressed in a public context will still catch my gaze. my wife might slug me for that if she detects it. but if i go up to that cute chick and hit on her, that could be very problematic for our marriage. | |
| Oct 26, 2018 at 0:34 | comment | added | robert bristow-johnson | i understand @PeteL.Clark, your take of "hit on" is the same as mine qualitatively, but maybe not quantitatively. and i still think that even an office romance has to be done very carefully, if at all. but any romance begins somehow when one party, in some sense of the word, hits on the other. someone breaks the ice (as if there were any) first. someone asks the other "what'cha doing tonight". now that person should not be considered a scoundrel for doing that. but if it is unwelcome (and such is communicated) that person needs to take the hint and leave it alone. | |
| Oct 26, 2018 at 0:01 | comment | added | Pete L. Clark | @robert: I did not say or mean to imply that there can be no legitimate workplace romances. Upon reflection, the term "hit on" is quite ambiguous. I took it to mean "Flirt aggressively, signalling sexual intent." It doesn't have to mean that, and in many workplaces there are acceptably mild ways to flirt with certain coworkers...but you yourself seem to suggest the above meaning with the line "But they should respect you and your position enough not to hit on you at work." So I confess I am a bit confused as to what you mean and why your wife is relevant to the OP's question. | |
| Oct 24, 2018 at 19:56 | comment | added | robert bristow-johnson | @PeteL.Clark, no one should be "treat[ing] women inappropriately" at all. nor men. at the workplace or anywhere else. we should always treat everybody we come in contact with appropriately. are we all agreed about what is "appropriate"? consider an unmarried and unattached person of either gender that may be attracted to another person that one learns is also unmarried and unattached. are both persons simply forbidden to flirt or "make a pass" or inquire about a social date simply because they both work? must one of them quit the job so that the relationship that comes out of it is legit? | |
| Oct 24, 2018 at 12:59 | comment | added | Pete L. Clark | "Personally, I like it that attractive women appear as such in the workplace and I don't hit on them (my wife might not approve if I did)." But you would treat women inappropriately in the workplace if it were okay with your wife? (I have heard this sort of "my wife says..." comment many times over the years. I think it used to come off much better than it does in 2018.) | |
| Oct 24, 2018 at 1:01 | comment | added | robert bristow-johnson | i didn't know i was addressing "building healthy working relationships". i was telling Lily that she has a right to both wear a cute mini and be treated with respect and safety in her academic workplace. but she has to expect the occasional masculine gaze if she does. | |
| Oct 23, 2018 at 23:52 | comment | added | user45909 | Being/dressing attractively "attracts" attention. Who knew!? Ha! May I suggest a little more content in the "building healthy working relationships" part of your answer? | |
| Oct 22, 2018 at 22:47 | history | answered | robert bristow-johnson | CC BY-SA 4.0 |