330

Now it is more a matter of my authority. Well, yes... I’m sorry if this will come as a surprise to you, but coming across as an unreasonable, coercive boss who wants to force their students to participate in distasteful, privacy-violating activities that have zero relevance or value to their professional training, is in fact something that will greatly ...


231

It sounds extremely rude, I am afraid. I would assume mitigating circumstances for a non-native speaker, but the "no thanks" permits "thanks" to be interpreted as substantive, and thus has a highly dismissive connotation which should never be used with your superior, and neither with a friend you would like to keep. The connotation that shines through (at ...


186

Wait until after the course is over and grades are in: don't put your TA in a difficult situation. After that, you are just two adult humans, assuming you won't have any other courses with this TA.


172

On the basis of the information you've given, I think you should look for a new supervisor as soon as possible. Regardless of whether you manage to adapt the focus of your work, your current supervisor does not sound like someone you want to work with. I couldn't get anyone to teach me at the time, so the whole experience was pretty traumatic No one ...


171

tonysdg asked in a comment Can you talk to the department head? Or even better, a university ombudsperson (aka a neutral 3rd party who can discuss your options with you)? and you replied I don't know - I'm studying in Germany and I can't speak German. While it might be a good idea to learn German, you most probably don't have to know German to ...


171

Professors both young and old are known to use dating apps. So do students, doctors, engineers, lawyers, dental hygienists, and any other kind of person. In other words, there is nothing about being a professor that disqualifies one from using dating apps (or that makes one a special kind of human being in any other way, contrary to what seems to be the ...


164

There is a golden standard (codified in the Vancouver Recommendations on authorship) that every author individually vouches for the correctness of the entire paper. In other words, you can't ask a co-author to only read and write part of the paper, because they need the whole paper to vouch for its correctness. They wouldn't satisfy the criteria to be ...


154

First, if you haven't already, I suggest you have a discussion with your advisor about what to do with the result. Is it worth writing up? Is it worth trying to publish or try to go further? If so, you should write it up and make sure there are no errors, and hopefully your advisor will be willing to help check over this. Is it possible they will try ...


154

From what you've said, it doesn't sound like a sexism issue specifically, but it might have come off that you regarded her sabbatical as a vacation rather than serious work. You might be worrying about this a bit too much--she's probably already forgotten the exchange.


146

Don't give in to Imposter Syndrome! Both your reasons are fundamentally not sound. Somebody nominated you for an award. The awards committee thinks you are deserving. You should not refuse the award simply because you think others may be more deserving. It's the task of the award committee to establish this, and their decision was you. Rejecting the award ...


143

First off, you haven’t committed a crime (assuming she was above the age of consent) and you haven’t engaged in academic misconduct (since there is only an indirect academic relationship between you). However, the fact that she is threatening/blackmailing you is very concerning. The fact that she is your advisor’s daughter makes things more complicated, but ...


125

I favor the Confusingly Positive/Neutral Response in these situations. "So-and-so did Awesome Thing and you --" "Wow, that's great! When will it be published? I'd like to read it." "What was your undergrad GPA?" "Uh, I don't even remember. It got me in here, though, and I love it here!" "Bah, what you're doing is garbage." "I'm finding it a lot of fun, and ...


122

Work with both John and Sam on the same paper. You all have something to offer, so pool your efforts and work together.


118

This is similar to the person of color getting stopped by the police. Is it just a random stop, or is it racism? Very hard to tell without statistics on large sample sizes, or direct evidence of racism. Would the student have made the same accusations if you were male? Possibly, but very hard to tell without direct evidence of sexism. The student could be ...


115

Back when I was in grad school and everybody I knew lived with roommates due to housing costs, some sets of roommates got along well and some had serious problems sharing space with one another. Over time, I noticed that while most people had mostly decent experiences, there were certain people who I knew who always seemed to end up with nightmarish ...


114

You would handle this the same way you would handle anything in class that impacts your ability to learn. You contact the instructor, and suggest that there is something disruptive going on.


111

It may be worth thinking about the contrast between this: I could not resist her. I am here alone and had not been with a woman in two years until then. and this: Now she wants to start a relationship with me and is threatening me to tell his father, which is my PhD advisor, that I seduced her Perhaps she sincerely believes you did seduce her. If ...


110

It's embarrassing, but it's also understandable. I think if your supervisor has decided to ignore it, then you should take this opportunity to not ruminate. So silently thank him, and forget it. I know advice is always easier said than done though. Rumination is defined as "to keep thinking about a problem which had already been, or can never be solved". ...


104

This question is fascinating to me on many levels. It shows a weird tendency that we have in academia to equate job offers to something like awards, where the decision for or against a candidate has to be based on scientific (or educational, or whatever) merit alone. I argue that if you posted the question "Should I not hire someone who does not get along ...


102

Let the department head know what you've observed. You can write an anonymous letter if you feel uncomfortable or are worried about burning bridges. (I've been in this situation, as a student. We - the students in the class - wrote a collective letter to the department head. He was able to arrange extra TA support for the professor for the rest of that ...


102

A blanket ban on bringing babies to class is probably not allowed at many institutions. However, I agree that if the baby is acting up, then the supervising parent should take the baby out of the classroom so as to minimize disruptions to the overall lecture. This should be reached as an agreement outside of class time so that the lecturer is not placed in ...


101

More years ago than I care to remember, I changed departments and started working for a new manager (NM). At the same time, another person (AP) also joined the department. My new manager put a weekly meeting on our calendars for the three of us. We would go into the meeting, and NM would start asking us what seemed to me to be really simple questions - what ...


99

The problem here stems from two sources 1) it was a bad joke in poor context and 2) as Najib pointed out the guy didn't accept responsibility for his actions. Breaking it down: It was a bad joke As was pointed out in this question what exactly the joke was was unclear. Let's go back to the original joke to see why. According to the guy: When [Prof. X]...


98

How do I act diplomatically while at the same time making sure I get due credit for my achievements? Follow JeffE's advice: You have at least three people who contributed to the proof of the theorem. The advisor who suggested the problem. The grad student who worked out several ways that don't work. And you who produced a proof. So it is perfectly valid to ...


95

Short answer: Probably not. As you pointed out, you may lose out on grades by challenging this professor. A larger problem, in my opinion, is when you (the student) approach the class with an attitude of discovering the professor's many mistakes. With this attitude, you also lose out on the opportunity to learn from his expertise. While this particular ...


95

I would find this odd and unprofessional. I recommend against this. Also, I want to be able to talk freely and openly with you in an interview, and have you respond in kind, and I would be worried about how having your girlfriend on the line will affect this dynamic. (For example: I might worry that you would be distracted by thinking about how she is ...


93

Should I just tell him to talk to the instructor, and that my job is just marking? Yes. There's no point in getting into an extended argument with this student. The student thought his answers were correct and you explained why they were not correct. Since you've denied the student's appeal of the grade, the next appropriate step is generally for the ...


90

Personally, I would tell her to go for it. There's a pretty good chance she's bluffing. Kids do not tell their parents when they're having sex. If, in addition, she's as you described, "cute and hot", it's far more likely she's merely manipulative than desperate to have you at any cost. Even if she's not bluffing and does tell her dad, so what. You can'...


88

I don't see any inherent ethical problems here: the key word is former student, so there is no present power dynamic, conflict of interest or anything like that. However, you should be prepared for those in your department to find out that you are dating a former student, which could create a certain amount of push back. For instance: The one year gap ...


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