361
votes
Dealing with a PhD student reneging on an agreement to appear in social media
Now it is more a matter of my authority.
Well, yes... I’m sorry if this will come as a surprise to you, but coming across as an unreasonable, coercive boss who wants to force their students to ...
- 197k
234
votes
Accepted
Is the phrase "thanks, but no thanks" appropriate in an email sent to a supervisor?
It sounds extremely rude, I am afraid. I would assume mitigating circumstances for a non-native speaker, but the "no thanks" permits "thanks" to be interpreted as substantive, and thus has a highly ...
- 50.5k
215
votes
Accepted
Is it ethical to tell my teaching assistant that I like him?
Wait until after the course is over and grades are in: don't put your TA in a difficult situation.
After that, you are just two adult humans, assuming you won't have any other courses with this TA.
- 126k
190
votes
How to deal with arrogant e-mail of a student
How to deal with this?
Dear [student],
Thank you for pointing this out.
[1 or 2 more sentences of explanation]
Sincerely, [your name].
What troubles me is the attitude, which I found it kind ...
- 137k
174
votes
Should a young professor avoid using dating apps?
Professors both young and old are known to use dating apps. So do students, doctors, engineers, lawyers, dental hygienists, and any other kind of person. In other words, there is nothing about being a ...
- 197k
164
votes
First author doesn't want a co-author to read the whole paper
There is a golden standard (codified in the Vancouver Recommendations on authorship) that every author individually vouches for the correctness of the entire paper. In other words, you can't ask a co-...
- 102k
157
votes
As a male student, did I say something wrong to this female professor?
From what you've said, it doesn't sound like a sexism issue specifically, but it might have come off that you regarded her sabbatical as a vacation rather than serious work. You might be worrying ...
- 11.5k
152
votes
Accepted
How to deal with arrogant e-mail of a student
There are several things which are not mentioned in the email but which can be assumed when processing such a message:
The student is actually trying to help everyone involved. Otherwise they wouldn'...
- 1,586
148
votes
I slept with my advisor's daughter and she is blackmailing me now. What can I do?
First off, you haven’t committed a crime (assuming she was above the age of consent) and you haven’t engaged in academic misconduct (since there is only an indirect academic relationship between you). ...
- 18.4k
147
votes
Will declining a research award be problematic for me, or other people?
Don't give in to Imposter Syndrome!
Both your reasons are fundamentally not sound. Somebody nominated you for an award. The awards committee thinks you are deserving. You should not refuse the award ...
- 137k
134
votes
How to deal with arrogant e-mail of a student
An arrogant sounding email does not mean that the person is arrogant. It is well-known that language and even the assumed personality in online communication differ from the real ones, sometimes very ...
- 56.1k
122
votes
Two researchers want to work on the same extension to my paper. Who to help?
Work with both John and Sam on the same paper. You all have something to offer, so pool your efforts and work together.
- 40.9k
120
votes
Accepted
Shall I go and see my advisor's father who is on his death bed?
Unless you have some direct relationship with his father, this is not something we'd normally do in US, UK, or Australian culture. (I'm not sure if it's the same everywhere in the EU.)
A polite ...
- 10.3k
118
votes
How to professionally handle sexist remarks by a student?
This is similar to the person of color getting stopped by the police. Is it just a random stop, or is it racism? Very hard to tell without statistics on large sample sizes, or direct evidence of ...
- 1,658
117
votes
What can be done about a disruptive classmate?
You would handle this the same way you would handle anything in class that impacts your ability to learn. You contact the instructor, and suggest that there is something disruptive going on.
- 33.4k
112
votes
While showing my work to my supervisor, an adult website appeared. Am I in trouble?
It's embarrassing, but it's also understandable. I think if your supervisor has decided to ignore it, then you should take this opportunity to not ruminate. So silently thank him, and forget it.
I ...
- 8,294
111
votes
I slept with my advisor's daughter and she is blackmailing me now. What can I do?
It may be worth thinking about the contrast between this:
I could not resist her. I am here alone and had not been with a woman in two years until then.
and this:
Now she wants to start a ...
- 10.3k
108
votes
I've developed a close relationship with my past graduate teaching assistant, and I'm very interested in her: is it appropriate to pursue this?
Since you are not working under her supervision right now, then assuming you are both adults, you are in the clear ethically, legally, and university policy-wise.
The only real caveats are that if you ...
- 197k
107
votes
Accepted
How should instructors react when students bring (noisy) babies to class?
A blanket ban on bringing babies to class is probably not allowed at many institutions. However, I agree that if the baby is acting up, then the supervising parent should take the baby out of the ...
- 174k
106
votes
Is it ethical to tell my teaching assistant that I like him?
I'd like to add that there is another reason for waiting until the class have been over for a while. There's a phenomenon of "love for authority." It happens a lot in academia, where the instructor ...
- 7,932
105
votes
My supervisor misjudges my knowledge
More years ago than I care to remember, I changed departments and started working for a new manager (NM). At the same time, another person (AP) also joined the department. My new manager put a weekly ...
- 13.9k
103
votes
Is giving condolences to a professor socially acceptable?
It's not merely perfectly fine (e.g., in the U.S.), but a very good thing to do. (Conceivably in other cultures it could be construed as too intrusive, we must acknowledge.)
- 90.5k
102
votes
What should I do if I feel that a senior academic is trying to take advantage of me?
You are a bit unreasonable. He pointed you to the right direction to derive the proof. He did not do nothing.
It is also not true that senior academics who always tell students what to do and never do ...
- 5,425
101
votes
How can I avoid inadvertently offending my female peers and getting into trouble for it?
The problem here stems from two sources 1) it was a bad joke in poor context and 2) as Najib pointed out the guy didn't accept responsibility for his actions. Breaking it down:
It was a bad joke
As ...
- 1,712
96
votes
Accepted
How to show special respect to a famous PhD advisor?
I don't know what field you're in, but in mine, writing such a paper would be viewed as unnecessary and perhaps a bit strange. You seem to feel that you don't deserve your place with this supervisor, ...
95
votes
How to handle a student who will not accept that he is wrong?
Should I just tell him to talk to the instructor, and that my job is just marking?
Yes. There's no point in getting into an extended argument with this student. The student thought his answers were ...
- 37.7k
94
votes
How soon to fire rude and chaotic PhD student?
I think to meet the expectations of a mentor (this student is still your mentee until they are not), you owe it to them to give a chance for improvement.
That doesn't mean just wait and see how things ...
- 126k
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