Programming has become a part of my life but now I want more, I want to know more and I want to understand more.
For example I don't know a thing about Chemistry, Physics or Maths. I would like to better my knowledge in these fields but my problem is that I have a perplexing "fear" of studying.
I can't even call it a fear, it's beyond that. It's like someone's dropped a 1000 tonne boulder on my heart and I don't know why this happens. I can sit for hours and hours (at times an entire day) and read documentation for a language / framework / library I've never used and I'll be fine but show me a study book and I freak out (inside).
I've tried all I could think of:
- I've set myself a simple(er) schedule.
- I've brought books meant for 16-18 year old's that lay everything out step by step.
- I've studied for short(er) amounts of time.
- I've even forced myself to stay seated studying for an hour or two.
By the end of all this the same thing always happens, I freak out (inside), feel like I'm "in danger" and leave the room. Not because I want to but because I feel like I need to.
I'm not actually "in danger" and I'd like to think that I'm a sane, calm and collected individual who can tell the difference between good / bad, right / wrong.
- I'm an adult, is this even normal?
- Could this mean I'm "losing it" or that I'm "going crazy"?
- Is there a solution to my problem, if not how can I work one out?
Sorry for all the questions, I'm just really worried that this could be the start of something bigger rather than just another "fear".
Thanks for taking the time to read this, I really appreciate it.