Lack of passion from the beginning of my PhD

Question

I chose my current PhD position because of funding limitation and the reputation of my institute last year. After a year, it's a disaster, because I have no interest in my PhD project. I haven't read any papers in my personal time since I started my PhD. I'm not interested in what my labmates are doing whenever they are presenting. Though my project works perfectly fine, I just don't care about it.

Many rumors prevail in our lab regarding our supervisor; for example not supportive to graduating PhD students. Therefore, the morale and atmosphere in our laboratory has been strange. Yet, I've managed to maintain a moderate relationship with him. I have worked as a summer student in several labs and understand that no lab is free of anecdotes from the supervisor.

My only concern is that my passion in science will decay with my project. A year ago, I still had the lust to ask infinite questions in the summer lab, but I'm like a dying whale on the beach today. I feel very sad, because my family and my friends have great expectation from me.

I would like to change labs or start from a master's degree level again, but I'm not sure if it is feasible, especially since my supervisor is rather special. Please help me and give me some suggestions.

Answer 1

I'm afraid to say that I think you've worked this one out for yourself.

Completing a PhD requires passion and determination to get over the finish line. I remember someone once saying to me that they had done two PhDs but hadn't written either up... So they had actually not done a PhD at all. The point is that in a lot of ways, the writing up and creating a thesis is the hardest part because it requires so much time, energy, and dedication. If you don't feel like you have that for your subject then I would really consider your options.

As for your family (and friends)- they don't love you because you're on a PhD programme, that doesn't even come into it. More than anything in this world, they want you to be happy doing what makes you happy and I'm sure if they read your post just now they would tell you to stop and find something you really want to do.

Right now, it may be best to have a sit down with your supervisor and discuss how you're feeling and see if there is a way for you both to move forward that suits you both.

Answer 2

There are so many factors involved that it's difficult to give a precise and helpful answer.

Firstly, what you are feeling is not rare at all as a PhD student. Because of how the scientific career is designed, labs have to focus on paper production, and in too many cases students are seen (and feel) as "resources to produce papers for the lab".

Supervisors are often very busy or absent from the lab for many reasons and they don't meet often enough with students, know their research in detail, or give them appropriate and individual credit and encouragement.

Successfully completing a PhD consists in dealing with that too, apart from publishing papers. And I am not justifying it, because I personally think that things could be easily improved, but unfortunately we have to deal with how things are.

I suggest you start taking more care of yourself and rely less on your professor and your group. A good book is this one: https://www.amazon.com/Research-Chicago-Writing-Editing-Publishing/dp/022623973X/

If the situation is intolerable but you still want to be in research, try to change to another lab, even though that's always risky. If research by itself does not drive you, then try in industry.

Lastly, even if your family sacrificed so you could study a PhD, this doesn't mean you have to live the life they want you to live. Your life is yours and you are the one having to deal with it. If you don't live your life, you'll always be frustrated, bitter, and angry.

From Asian colleagues I know that in many Asian cultures family pressure for their kid to get educated, successful, and rich, is tremendous and linked to "honor" and "betrayal". If this is your case, you might need to have a small family talk too...

Answer 3

Have you considered that you may be suffering from a clinical depression? What you have described surely sounds like it. Sometimes people think that they are depressed because of their circumstances while in fact it's the other way around. At any rate I would have talked to a mental health professional before quitting.

http://www.sciencemag.org/careers/2017/04/phd-students-face-significant-mental-health-challenges Here is an article in Science about this. It's important to know that you are not alone with this kind of struggle and help may be available.

One key message for scientific trainees that are struggling with these types of challenges, write co-authors Katia Levecque and Frederik Anseel of Ghent University in an email to Science Careers, is that “you are not alone.” Beyond that, the authors encourage Ph.D. students to appreciate how important it is to take care of themselves. “Mental health problems can develop into serious threats to one’s wellbeing and career, and can have detrimental consequences in the long-term,” they write. So, if you’re struggling, it’s important to “[s]eek professional help or seek help in your personal environment, even if you think it’s probably a temporary thing.”

Answer 4

Have you considered graduating with an MPhil after one year? You can then have a break or do research projects elsewhere, perhaps in industry, before coming back to a PhD.

Answer 5

I think you should try to answer clearly to yourself what is the source of your problem. Is it a project per se? Or this is a non-supportive supervisor? Or you became less excited with the field of research in general? Or this is about Phd in general and you will prefer to switch to the industry. Otherwise, you might take the actions that might only do things worse or in best case will not help.

Try to see whether you feel excited with other projects. But keep in mind that the grass is always greener on the other side. Probably once you start other project you will fast become bored with it as well. If you reach firm conclusion that this is about the project per se, talk with your supervisor about the problem and ask him/her how he/she can help. Maybe it is possible to change the topic or to add additional directions. If this does not work, I do not think that this inconceivable to start the PhD from the beginning. Probably, you can do that in a neighboring lab. Suffering several more years is probably not a solution. Then, if you decide to continue to a postdoc all your experience will be in a field that does not interest you. What you will do then?