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I am attending conference with advisor and the other student from our research group. I saw my advisor and the other student went to lunch together. They didn't offer me to go together. There were also the her (other student) husband, the graduated student from our group, his (graduated) wife. People going lunch together are all chineses, and they know each other very well. I am an international student from another country). Does it mean that advisor want to avoid me? Does he hate me? Can I proceed my ph.d. In this group?

closed as primarily opinion-based by Pete L. Clark, Captain Emacs, Massimo Ortolano, Dmitry Savostyanov, ff524 Jan 26 '17 at 7:29

Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

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    I doubt it means anything. Sometimes people just want to have lunch with certain other people. It could even have been an oversight. Unless you think it is part of a much larger pattern of rude treatment, I'd ignore it and continue as if nothing had happened. – Nate Eldredge Jan 26 '17 at 4:42
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    I'd also say that they might want to speak in their own language while out for lunch and not have to worry about non-speakers. Same might even apply for what food to eat (if for example you have certain dietary requirements). As @NateEldredge mentioned above, unless there is a pattern of exclusion and maltreatment, I would not read too much into it. – o4tlulz Jan 26 '17 at 4:55
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    It could well mean nothing, but on the other hand it could mean something. We sure don't know -- "Does he hate me?" is not the type of question that internet strangers are qualified to answer, sorry to say. I have voted to close. – Pete L. Clark Jan 26 '17 at 5:40
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    Agree with comments above. I encounter the same situation at work but it simply means they like to speak Chinese and be at ease. They don't want to worry about translating their chats or make you think that they are talking about you or come across as rude for not engaging you. Also, in my case, their English is poor and hence it takes 'extra' effort for them to chat to me. – Prof. Santa Claus Jan 26 '17 at 5:51
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    This is one of those things that, if it happens once, it's probably no big deal, but if it happens all the time, I would start to worry. – xLeitix Jan 26 '17 at 8:28
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Does he behave similarly in your University? Do you find anything else in his behavior which hurt you often e.g., he doesn't talk to you much, he doesn't pay much attention to you, he doesn't care about your research etc etc..? How about other group members? Do they behave in a same manner?

If all these yes, then he might be avoiding you. If no, then did you have refused to have Chinese food before? If this is the case, then he might be thinking that you may not like Chinese food, because you had refused before to have Chinese food or there may be some other silly reason. So you should not think much.

Does it mean that advisor want to avoid me? Does he hate me?

Just knowing from this incident it is not possible to say anything. As I mentioned, if similar kind of things happens in your university also, then you may be true to some extent.

Can I proceed my ph.d. In this group?

Do you really feel very uncomfortable to continue your PhD in this group? How many years you already completed? If it is just a begin and you have other option, then you can think of alternative.

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    English suggestion: in a phrase like "you have denied to have Chinese food", the correct word should be declined or refused. (I believe in some other languages, the same word is used for both concepts, so this can certainly be confusing.) A slightly less formal but more idiomatic alternative is "you have turned down Chinese food". Otherwise, nice answer! – Nate Eldredge Jan 27 '17 at 4:54
  • Thank you very much @NateEldredge .. I have edited as suggested.. – Kay Jan 30 '17 at 3:30

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