I am getting my phd degree (in a STEM field) at a Top 20 department in a year or two, and I truly love my field, but I’m not sure if I should try for jobs at academia.
The thing is, I feel that I am way too competitive. I know this isn't a healthy attitude, but I cannot stop comparing myself with smarter people consistently and feeling stupid and inferior later, and I always care about people’s opinions on me too much. Back when I was an undergraduate, I felt terrible even if I got fewer scores on homework assignments than my peers/friends. I don't have hostility against people who are smarter than me; I really don't. But I admit that I feel really uncomfortable while being surrounded by people who are much better than me.
Having said that, I still do not want to give up working on my field, but I still cannot concentrate my mind completely on my research in order to ignore how I rank among others. Is my issue solvable? I really appreciate your advice, not to mention this is a really hard topic to discuss with others in real life.