I went to a great college, did well enough to get into a good master's program and probably land in a good phd program at some point. But I don't know if I'm meant for this.
I'm 27 and coming out of a few personally confusing years of life. Here's what I've found after a few months of postbac studies (I'd been working for a few years):
I don't love reading as much as I used to, and I definitely don't read as well as I did a few years ago. My professors say I write really well, and I'm doing well on exams and assignments. I am not the best in my classes, but may be close to it.
I can't decide what I want to study. I thought I was set on a topic in history, even based some master's applications on it, started a paper on it. Then the election happened and now I feel like my talents and energy should be spent on something more immediately useful, like working at an organization focusing on voter turnout, racism, minorities, rights, etc. This is the hundredth time I've changed my mind about what to study. It's included psychology, psychiatry, political science, policy, history, social work. Lately, I just don't see the point anymore.
I lose steam and motivation quickly. I was super motivated at the start of the semester, only to really lose it after the election. Now, everything seems a little pointless. I'm behind on reading and some homework, and have only managed to stay on track because I'm bullying myself into it. Even then, I'm sure I'll be behind for a while. I've tried really hard to get back on track but it's a bumpy road. Yesterday was great in terms of productivity, but today is terrible.
I don't think well on the spot and under pressure. I usually think of appropriate responses and counter arguments long after the conversation is over. I come from a family that wasn't at all academic, and I think this went a long way in shaping my academic personality; I don't have opinions on everything, and even when I do, I'm not quick to share them unless I'm 100% sure they're factually sound.
Most significantly, I just don't know if I'm as good enough as my peers. I know I'm better than a significant number of my classmates, but I'm not as well-read, well-spoken, confident, or quick as some of the best. I write slowly, I don't read Spinoza for fun, heck I don't read unless I have to or remind myself that I'm not reading enough.
I care a lot about the world, I care about making a difference, I am motivated by people and results and challenges that I believe I can tackle. I know I am smart and creative, even though I am not the best student in most of my classes (this takes a lot of courage to admit).
Can anyone offer me some honest advice? Be as critical as you can. Resources would also be appreciated. Thank you!