My undergraduate degree is in B.E electronics and electrical engineering. My undergraduate gpa is kind of pathetic because I was never interested in engineering but rather B.S physics. Unfortunately I was forced into engineering. Later I went on to pursue M.S in nanoscience with really good gpa. Except that it was not focused on quantum dynamics or quantum physics intensively. I had a course of nanophysics but it covered only fundamentals ( the textbook used was ' introduction to quantum mechanics ' by Griffiths ). That's about the maximum quantum physics I could get from my MS since there was no applied physics department in my institute, only nanobiophysics. I have 2 papers published as conference proceedings and a poster presentation but not related to quantum theory. Nevertheless I did not give up hope. I am really trying hard to get a PhD position in Quantum physics/ condensed matter physics/ quantum information science. I am pretty much an autodidact I.e I self educated myself in advanced quantum physics by going through books like ' quantum computing and quantum information science ' by Nielson and Chuang. Also learning through open source lectures from professors like Dr. Sergey Frolov in Quantum Transport and Dr. Leonard susskind in Quantum theory/ quantum mechanics/ quantum entanglement.
I somehow don't want to apply within the US because I am more attracted to the European research philosophy or the research carried out in Asian countries like Singapore or even Australia. The problem I face is that professors think I don't have the sufficient formal education in the field which is true. Professors reject my requests just because of this. I consider myself to be extremely motivated and determined to pursue a PhD in Quantum physics with a goal to get into academia. My motivation is not monetory but more of intellectual pursuits and curiosity to learn. I have also offered professors that I will work during my PhD without a stipend. It is a dream I'm fighting for and am willing to go to any lengths to achieve my goals. Lately, I have been feeling scared and taking blows to my self esteem due to the rejections. Self doubt is creeping in where I have begun questioning my intellectual prowess. But I'm still trying hard to learn on my own and carrying out research as an independent scholar staying up for days and nights straight.
I feel lost and am not sure what do I do next. Hoping to get responses from veterans and achievers In the field.