I am approaching the end of my PhD. My relationship with my supervisor has been really complicated: I get on very well with her personally, but in terms of supervision/research it's a struggle. I didn't get any help in terms of feedback or the direction of my thesis, she barely knows about my topic and she doesn't even pretend to care about my research. When she comments on my papers it is always to comment on the form (spelling, syntax), not on the substance. She largely funds other PhDs or Masters students whereas I wasn't treated the same way. I basically rely on competitive funding. It's great on the CV, but the lack of support from her is a problem. She provides opportunities for networking and collaboration on papers for other phds. In my case, I never received anything like that. All students have co-supervision. This is crucial in my field in terms of funding (to fund experiments, field trips, for instance). In my case she always refused co-supervision. This is my biggest regret as PhD student. I feel very isolated as a researcher, despite being very involved in her lab. I have missed one our lab meeting in years and she's complaining about this one meeting occasionally. Others are skipping meetings quire regularly without any comments from her.
Today I offered her to be a co-author on a paper with another researcher. It took me a while to ask her because of the constant rejections from her. This paper has clearly potential for a great contribution. She said no, again. The reason is that she is busy. The problem is that she collaborates with everybody but me, sometimes on random paper. Due to the constant rejection, I am now unable to solicit collaborations with other researchers. I tell myself that there must be a reason why I am so isolated, why she rejects my ideas, she is not involved in my PhD That this is probably my fault. My self-esteem is at an all-time low. Yet I publish quite well on my own. I got the best academic position among her students, by far. Everyone in the department thinks we get along very well. I can't say anything, or complain. I want to tell her what I think but I can only rely on her for letters of recommendation due to the lack of collaboration during grad school and no co-supervision. The worst part of this mess is that I really like her as a person. I don't want to be a problem for her by making drama at the end of the phd, but this situation is mentally draining.