What should I do after my PhD supervisor calls me a retard to my face?

Question

I am in the 5th year of my Ph.D. studies. My Ph.D. supervisor always likes to mentally and verbally abuse me and some of our group members. This time, I really could not take it anymore and I want to share my story here.

I started my Ph.D. program with a slow start and only published my first paper in the 4th year. Got many unlucky rejections and now I have one paper almost finished and one in submission.

I was asked by my supervisor, several times during my 3rd and 4th years in the program, to quit. It was very personal. But I sucked it up and remained in the lab because I am an international student and could not afford to quit after that much effort was put into the program.

I was hoping to graduate this year but something really bothersome happened. During one meeting with him this semester, he questioned my progress and asked me tricky questions like he usually does. I learned over time to keep silent otherwise we will exchange arguments without meaningful discussion. He then told me to my face "Why do you look like a retard?" I was totally stunned and didn't know how to respond. This kind of personal attack is not something new but calling me a retard was a first. I really cannot let it go this time.

I would like to seek some advice. Should I report this to the department? What should I do since I just can't let it go? I feel very bad after this incident.

Background: I am in a good US university with a good CS department.

Update: I graduated and now work in industry!

Answer 1

Your supervisor has a problem, seriously. He shouldn't be doing this. Don't internalize it. It isn't you, it is him.

Do what you need to do to finish. After you finish and find a position is the time to make a complaint. Making one now will only slow you down.

If there are other faculty that you do trust, you could seek advice from them. It is good to have a faculty advocate in such situations.

Good luck.

Answer 2

I get PhDs are a helluva process, and achievement, so potentially derailing one is a bear of a choice to confront. But I have a question for all these people advising OP to stick their head in the sand and stomach this level of abuse from someone who is supposed to be in a mentor position.... What exactly makes any of you think this person will act fairly when it comes time to review OPs work and assign them their PhD? They could be putting up with this garbage for their work to amount to literally nothing. And what will they have to show for it? Oh yeah, learning how to roll over and say "hit me again Ike, and this time put some stank on it." That is seriously y'all's advice eh? Wow ... Just wow.... Milksops is all I gotta say about that.

OP it is ultimately up to you. However universities usually have a plethora of avenues for resolution. Talk to your student advisor (which you should have already btw), talk to other faculty, talk to the faculty supervisor, hell talk to the dean! Bring all the other students that have had this person disparage them with no provocation. Look up former students and see if they have had similar experiences. Point out to anyone in the higher ups (I forget how the command structure works at proper unis, but make stinks on desks of people that shouldn't have to deal with this. Don't be afraid to jump rungs on the ladder if the one you're at isn't listening) the money, time, and resources wasted, not to mention the mental and emotional stresses experienced by the students exposed to that treatment, will not benefit the universities image should the story of a professor (er whatever that supervisor is) calling their students "retard" get too much traction publicly. I imagine there's a handful of benefactors that would not like to hear what's going on at the school they are dumping money into.

Sure, if you want to wait to drop the bomb, that is entirely your call. In this day and age it's not unusual for young people to avoid the prospect of rocking the boat. But remember, the only thing needed for evil to flourish is for good to do nothing. If there is one thing we need to fear above the tyranny of evil men, it is the indifference of good men. Whatever you do, do not stay silent. Do it tomorrow, do it after you (hopefully) secure your PhD, just do it! To do nothing is being complacent with the abusive nature of this person. Being complacent is endorsing treating others that way. It will directly lead to others also being abused, disparaged, made to feel like lesser beings which no one deserves especially at a university particularly by a member of the faculty.

I understand if you are stressed, I understand if you are afraid of confrontation, I understand if you just want it to go away. All of those feelings are entirely natural, everyone who has ever needed to stand up to mistreatment has felt those feelings and more. But ignoring this behavior before is what lead to you to being treated this way. Embrace the disappointment, dissatisfaction, and anger towards those who fostered this absolute wretch of a human and allowed them to continue verbally attacking students, turn it into motivation to save future students from such treatment at the hands of someone who is supposed to be fostering and inspiring the next generation of educated individuals needed in the world.

You will be afraid, you will be scared, you will feel small and a loss of worth and unimportant. Most importantly.....you WILL be doing the right thing. Never loose sight of that. You're not alone. There are people who will help (try reddit, both the academia, and legal advice subs). You only need to seek them out.

My final bit of advice is to always keep this in your mind: no matter which avenue you choose, You CAN do this. And I believe in you. Now, go carpe that diem BY THE THROAT!!!

Answer 3

Don't do anything.

Finishing your Ph.D. is more important than reporting your supervisor's behavior.

Just finish your Ph.D. and get the heck out of that university and never come back.

Even though I am writing it very easily, I am also wondering what I would have done in such a case! I feel extremely lucky that I have a very polite and cooperative supervisor.

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Would you really give this same advice to someone with an abusive spouse, parent, or manager? --- It really depends. In the case of a spouse, I would suggest getting a divorce and that won't affect anyone's career. In the case of parents, leave home and that won't affect someone's livelihood either. Dealing with an abusive manager and an abusive Ph.D. advisor is almost similar - the career is affected. So, yeah, it depends.

Answer 4

I think you should report them to someone higher up or someone who is in charge of the welfare and wellbeing of PhD students (or someone in HR if necessary). Universities have recently started to realise that wellbeing of students is important so if you make it known to someone that you are not happy, they will probably have to do something about it.

The original supervisor on my PhD (who was also Head of Research) was being very rude to me, including in front of other people. I went to the guy who was in charge of well-being of PhD students, I complained that that my supervisor was being rude to me and asked to change supervisor. I know that you are right at the end of the PhD but you should still report him (this is just my opinion). If you don't challenge it, he will continue to do it to other people for his entire career. It's important to make someone else in a position of authority know that this is going on, as they won't know if you don't tell them.

These people deserve to be reported. It doesn't matter that the supervisor didn't like it, I just found alternative references to get to my postdoc. You can use the examiners for your PhD thesis, other collaborators or other people in the department. Why would you want to use them as a reference if they call you a ''retard'' to your face anyway? What do you think their reference letter is going to look like?

Answer 5

You'd have to check the local laws, but personally I would begin to record conversations regardless. Some places allow recording conversations and phone calls if it is for personal use. In that sense, recording meetings to make sure you catch all the suggestions is plausible deniability.

You don't have to report and share the recordings at any time if you don't want to. But when you're getting it all on tape, you won't be worried about him escalating this abuse. You'll be looking forward to gathering more and more evidence.

Moreover, recordings would give you leverage in worst case scenarios such as him not letting you pass for his personal reasons.

With this approach you can both continue working on your PhD without drawing attention and report it only if he intentionally fails you. You'd be able to show a pattern of behaviour if needed. It would be very silly of him to take his sadistic games to that extent, but he'll only have himself to blame for the consequences.

Answer 6

This isn't the answer you or anyone wants to hear, but I'm offering it has a matter of perspective. Lots of people give up on their PhDs for a wide variety of reasons. Everyone understands how difficult they are. But, there are a lot of companies who would be happy to hire anyone with any kind of CS degree, and sponsor them.

Despite how it feels right now, you've already had amazing academic success. You should be very proud of everything you've already accomplished. The reality is that you may be blocked from getting your PhD, and it might be time to pivot. There's nothing wrong with that.

Regardless of whether you choose to fight for your PhD by plowing forward, or by reporting your supervisor, you should think about backup plans as well. Simply knowing you have other options will likely reduce the stress and pressure, and make your remaining time easier.

Answer 7

Where I am doing my PhD, there's a special spokesperson at the graduate office that is specialized in exactly those things, maybe something smilar exists where you are?

Also, I disagree with people saying push it through, especially if your supervisor has a direct say in your final grade! Then I suggest you definitely speak up before you finish your PhD!

Answer 8

Since your supervisor is not supportive of your efforts, find another supervisor ASAP. It's pretty much the only way out if you want to obtain a Ph.D. A supportive, trustful supervisor is a must. In retrospect, I think this is what you should have done long time ago.

Answer 9

You must finish. You say you have nearly two papers that's good you're ready to finish.

Do not try to leave your institute and do not complain at least for now. You need to show your supervisor you've got what it takes to finish.

Once you have your PhD you are then on the same level as him. In other words you can take on research working on your own or supervise others. Then this is your chance not to be like him towards others and for as long as you work you can make a positive difference to others something your supervisor seems to have lost touch with.

If this bothers you somewhere down the road you can raise this politely but firmly with your PhD complete.

Answer 10

I think that you need to open up to a medical professional downtown and not to the campus doctors/counsellors as so many of these are useless when it comes to challenging professors or pressurizing parents. Besides the university will likely want to keep a lid on the whole thing as it would be bad for their public image. And counsellors are ever conscious of the fact that they are employees of the university at the end of the day.

For you, this is a mental health matter at this stage. Beforehand it was just a supervisory issue that grew and grew. It's strange this professor didn't simply opt out of supervising you if he sincerely never rated you much. It must be the same old cuteness of these types - he could keep his "reputation" if he provoked you into walking off rather than risk losing it if he unilaterally stopped supervising you.

Talk to people outside the college to find a good local psychologist. Having a few recordings of your supervisor's insulting remarks would be helpful here.

Going to your Head of Department with the support of a local psychologist is a lot better than going alone. Also bring a trusted other person to act as a witness to what the Head says - in case he tries to wriggle out of it later. Be prepared for the Head insisting on your professor being present while you make the complaint and giving him the right of reply. And if the Head starts to talk the issue to death, be ready to leave immediately.

Your PhD is something you worked hard to achieve. It's worth trying to keep it while there is any chance to save it. But it's never worth taking such abuse from a professor - and not least by omission from other PhDs who witness this in group sessions.

You have to be prepared to throw this overpriced "pearl" back into the sea when it threatens the things that really matter in life.

Answer 11

Along with the already good advice to finish your Ph.D first and then report them to the campus afterwards, you should find them on a Professor Rating Site and give them a review (Also after you finish your PH.D).

Include details such as how they were rude to other students and how they were rude to you specifically - but do not name yourself or any of the other students who took his class.

It may not help resolve anything for you, but for the especially wary college student it could help them identify a bad professor and avoid taking his courses, which would also mean less power for him in his academic position.

Answer 12

The highest rated answers say do nothing, suck it up, finish your PhD, and then launch a complaint.

I have to say, I understand that impulse. But really, you should report your professor. His behavior is inexcusable. If he were outside of academia, he would have lost his job by now for creating a hostile work environment for subordinates. Yes, this may slow you down, but your professor is a bully! You really should stand up for yourself. Give him a big middle finger by launching complaints against him with anybody in the university that will listen. Seriously, consider legal action, especially if he retaliates against your complaint in any way shape or form.

You've published a paper, you have two more in the works. You are smart enough. The next time that you speak with your advisor, let him know that you will NOT be treated like this any longer. Tell him that he needs to stop, and then document that this conversation took place. This is for evidentiary reasons. On no uncertain terms, you need to tell him that he is creating a hostile work environment for you and all of the other students in the lab. Stand up to him. Let him know that you are also launching formal complaints into his behavior as well. Say nothing about progress on your thesis, say nothing about progress on anything going on in the lab. This meeting is about putting him on notice that YOU believe that he is violating employment laws. That seems extreme, but what you need to do, following this conversation, is to launch all sorts of complaints. Complain to the department administration, to the university administration, the labor relations board in your state, hell talk to a lawyer and/or threaten a discrimination suit based on your status as a foreigner, that will make the administration sit up and pay attention really quick. Bring down hell on your advisor not advisable for finishing your degree, but you basically need to figuratively give this dude a black eye.

Don't let people like this get away with what they are doing. Because they will do it again and again an again.

Answer 13

I disagree with everyone in here. Don't let that get into your soul and mind. You decide how to react and what to learn form this. There are jerks everywhere, but some jerks are useful. They make you strong!! Pause and think this person has good intentions wanted you to communicate something. Concentrate in the message in the letter not the color of the paper. Have friends, walk with them. Grab a beer. Send love and kisses to your family. Have a great rest and then come back and kick ass!!

Good luck!