I come from a violent country that gives me no hope for the future. I cannot go back. My supervisor has more than 30 students, did not read my chapters, and insisted that I give in the first draft as final. The second supervisor, the expert on the subject, resents that the first supervisor will get all the credit. So neither helped. Refused to read drafts. The defense was full of questions that a reading of the first draft would have easily fixed. There was no support from the institution and I ended up with an average grade of cum laude after more than a decade of effort. All on my dime. Odd jobs. The reason I delayed was that my home country is hell and my family depends on me. I am so desperate that I d rather do a second Ph.D. than go home. I don t know if they will give me recommendations for a postdoc. Any solutions to get out of this? I mean can I get a postdoc with lukewarm recommendations? I have a sterling academic record, publications though a bit dated, and I truly think this grade is unfair.