When colleagues that don't co-author with me and are in separate projects, writing different papers, I've noticed they don't congratulate me, when I give them exciting progress. They're around for the gossip, and are always willing to listen to gossip or bad news. But when I have exciting news to report, e.g. a new paper, they are silent.
I do try to cheer my colleagues on, but I realize I cannot force them to do the same.
How could I deal with this mentally?
You're right that many academics (and I suppose not only academics) somehow systematically fail to encourage their colleagues, and do not congratulate their successes.
Ideally, yes, at least "mentors" would do so, all the more in light of the general failure. But, in my experience, mentorship is not to be reliably expected. Sadly. Let's not bother to talk about certain tendencies to "keep people down"...
So your situation doesn't surprise me, and I wouldn't expect much change anytime soon. If you can find a situation where people give you positive feedback, cherish it. And, as I've been thinking about more and more, you might remind yourself to be sure to give other people positive feedback, when you are in a relatively senior position at least!
I think this is just the way academics normally behave. We tend to work in silos. Those in different silos don't understand our work. Those in the same silo just take success for granted.
Win the Nobel in Chemistry or Economics and you will get congratulated, but not for much less than that. Win a local award and people will cheer you on (Teacher of the Year, say). But generally they are just happy (or not) to be working with you.
I worked in academia for about 40 years and don't remember any instances of congratulations except for the few times I won an award, sometimes a shared award. You might be congratulated, actually, when you turn out a new doctoral student who has written a nice thesis, but the work was mostly theirs, not yours.
We are quiet, generally, and just get on with it.
Try to start a cultural shift in your area
Others seem to be implying that this is just "how things are" in academia and you should accept it and move on. It's easier to say that when you have reached a high, respected position in your field, have published countless papers, received awards, given keynote presentations, etc. At that point, for the most part, you know you are doing well, and a single rejection or acceptance doesn't have as great an impact on you. You don't mention what stage you have reached in your career, but for those in PhD or postdoc positions, this stuff is often a big deal, and there is nothing wrong with hoping that you might get congratulated when you get a bit of success.
So what can you do? Step one is to make a point of congratulating others. Ask about their progress, and show enthusiasm for their achievements. Doesn't matter where they are in the academic hierarchy, almost everyone likes talking about themselves and being appreciated.
Then you can try to do this in a slightly more formal context. Make a time every week or two when you and a bunch of your colleagues will meet up to share news, some coffee and a cake/pack of biscuits. Make a point of going round the room and asking who has achievements they would like to mention e.g. papers published, grants accepted (even small ones), presentations given, or whatever. And given them a round of applause or a "well done". If no one has anything to celebrate, which will happen plenty of weeks, then commiserate. There's bound to be someone with a paper sitting in its 4th month of review, or who's just heard back from the dreaded Reviewer 3.
It's not going to change your local culture overnight. And you may find that some just aren't interested. So pick the easiest targets first - your friends, closest colleagues, those at the same career stage as you, the friendliest lecturers/professors. Hopefully if it catches on it might gather a bit of momentum. Note the value of cake/biscuits/doughnuts in tempting people out of their offices - make a rota for who brings the tasty snacks. If you really can't persuade those in your immediate vicinity, perhaps you can do something similar online, looking for groups on social media who are all studying in the same area.
Sure, don't rely on praise entirely. If it's not forthcoming, that absolutely does not diminish your success. Be proud of your work regardless. But there's nothing wrong with wanting to hear "well done", and equally plenty to be gained from saying it to others.
What do you need the felicitations for?
If you do good work, at some point you will be collecting best papers awards, perhaps even lifetime awards or the like and even that gets stale at some point, as far as ego is concerned. They are very useful to boost a career, no question, so one certainly should not scoff at them, but one should not make oneself dependent on them.
I find a quiet "interesting paper" comment accompanied by a small nod (i.e. without sarcasm) by a respected colleague to be one of the greatest compliments possible. Your work being cited by good researchers another one; however, do not expect these.
In the end, you should know yourself best whether you do a good job. The exciting part is not the new paper, but the new insight and that does not depend on acclamation by others. A new truth or insight, that is the ultimate prize, after all.
If you absolutely need external motivational feedback, find fellow enthusiasts in the field and exchange with them. Usually they will be scattered around the globe rather than at your location, but today that really does not matter anymore.
Who is likely to congratulate you?
Close friends
Romantic partners
Family members
Crawlers who want something from you
Suitors who want to get to know you by using flattery
Generous people who are just like that naturally
People who think it is the right thing to do
Con artists (watch your wallet)
Admirers/fans if you are famous
Sycophants if you are powerful
The rest of us are so worried about our own careers/relationships/health/utility bills that we hardly notice the successes or failures of others. We may even be envious of others' good fortune.
Once you make a few real friends in the research community, stick with them and value them.
This is a common issue in academia, which I've discussed with numerous colleagues.
The answers that suggest you develop your own self-esteem are, bluntly, wrong. This subject has been studied extensively by management and productivity experts, who have found that celebrating small wins increases productivity, and is especially important in research and innovation. Here's a good summary in the Harvard Business Review.
Unfortunately, there are systematic reasons why academics rarely congratulate each other:
With that said, you can still try to change the cultivate the habit of celebrating small successes.
To avoid the problems above, start with a group of people who either collaborate closely, or at least don't have to compete with one another. Find a meeting time when everyone is relaxed and open-minded. Tell them you'd like to try an experiment to make the group happier. Cite the literature (there's lots!) on the productivity benefits of celebrating small wins.
It might help if you make a systematic plan for when and how to celebrate, e.g. "If any of us gets a paper acceptance, award, or job offer during the week, we all go out for lunch on Friday", or, "Once a month, we set aside a group meeting (with cookies) to share the things we want to work on and the things we're proud of." There are some great options in other answers as well. If you want to change the culture, be the person who organizes the lunches and brings the cookies; eventually others will follow.
If you can't get your research group on board, the next best thing is to celebrate outside of work with friends or family. Take all the little milestones - the paper reviews handled, the applications submitted, the experiments that ran just right - and leave work early, get a fancy dinner, and mark your own success.
The trick is to have a high self-esteem, that way you don't have to rely on validation from others.
You are working in a group with a cultural problem. The best things you can do is to do it better than them, which means to actually congratulate others for their achievements honestly. Be happy for others if they do progress and reach their goals.
