I was a grader for my university couple of years ago. I'm also a PhD student. Out of the five semesters I graded..I got a "not fit for rehire" 3 times.
I was not responsive, didn't cater to the needs of the students properly, and occasionally would lose assignments submitted to me. I could not handle the logistics of taking in 100+ assignments(sometimes per week). Most importantly, I was thoroughly inconsistent with grading- I could not follow a proper rubric to the bone. Most often I'd have to make a rubric myself, even in really odd grading situations like having to grade students' notes as either 0 or 1(depending on whether they were relevant to the classroom, etc). I would grade the papers, but often I'd find myself grading differently towards the end of the pile as opposed to when I started grading.
Part of the reason this happened was due to my ADHD+OCD combination of mental disorders, but I am tired of citing that to my professors and also myself. The reason I was fired so many times was not due to Grading incompetence, but because I was late to deadlines, would miss TA meetings, and because of reasons like having to leave town before I could finish grading.
The grading incompetence is something only I know. If I think about how many students got, say, a C+ instead of a B- because of MY negligence and irresponsibility, I start feeling like the worst human being on planet earth.
I have considered confessing to my Professors about this, but have never been brave enough to do it. All my semesters of being a TA are long over, grades collected and put up on the students' transcripts. I have somehow managed to get an RA position but have been struggling very badly since the past year mentally due to all this.
I am posting here because I just want some possible solutions. Do I confess, and get terminated from my PhD-most importantly is it technically possible to roll back grades like that en masse? Should I quit graduate school myself? I don't intend to ever be in academia after I get my degree..but I don't feel like I can take that amount of psychological burden and keep feeling worthy of a PhD. What would you do if you were in a similar situation, hypothetically?