I am a Ph.D. dropout with a one year of career gap. I want to return to academia, but now I have realized that it was perhaps the biggest mistake to take a gap after quitting my Ph.D. The purpose of taking a gap was to work on my communication skills and get a new perspective on my work and my career in science. This could have been done within a period of 2-3 months but it became one year long because of my own recklessness. I allowed myself to distract from my goal and I started working on my hobby i.e. Painting. I lost myself there and completely lost track of my time. I was really enjoying everything about this new venture. I took it as a challenge to become better at my skills in painting. Eventually, I became the best in my group and got lots of appreciation. But then, I lost my interest while realizing that there was no further challenge and all there was left is to work and work while crafting your art which was never going to be perfect. It made me realize that what I actually love is to take the new challenges and work on myself. To be an artist was never a career option for me, all I wanted was to learn the skills. That's it!
While counting my achievement in science, I realized that it was an irresponsible thing to take a gap in doing something that has nothing to do with science. Earlier I had a scholarship and a very competitive mind that has led me to get a Ph.D. position in one of the best labs in the country. Now I don't have the scholarship. I want to go back to my world of research where I was accelerating exponentially. I want to tackle the challenges of science with a new perspective and better skills. I want to be productive more than earlier and ready to take all the tough challenges. But I feel embarrassed about my past mistake. Because of this, I come across as someone who is not sincere about her career. But I can't help it because the truth is that I did behave insincerely by losing track of my time. I should have been conscious enough to realize the consequences. Now, what do I do? The past has gone and the vision of the present is crying for a better future. How do I make things better like before?