Lately I have some issues with my academic life and my life. I am not doing anything. literally anything. This week, I was home all day, doing nothing. Just sleeping. I am seeing a therapist, but it is not that helpful. I am going to give you some background. I hope somebody could help me out here.
I am a 4th year PhD student. My major is electrical engineering and I am 24 years old. I started my PhD when I was 21 and everybody was telling me that "you're smart ", "you have a lot of time ahead of you", " Just chill", etc. I came to the states, leaving all my family behind to achieve my goals. And look at me now, I literally achieved nothing. (I finished bachelor when I was 21).
All my life, I used to do the minimum to get the work done. So instead of going to MIT or Stanford, I ended up in a university with ranking of around 40, which is good for me. With that being said, I gradually started to decrease the amount of effort I put in my work. Getting to my 4th year of PhD, I only have two conference publications.
My therapist is telling me that I value the work I do. But I am not organized at all. I don't have a schedule. When I wake up in the morning I don't know what I want to do. When I go to the lab, I stare at the monitor and I don't know where to start. I procrastinate. So I open youtube, Instagram, Twitter, ... . Anything that help me ignore the reality. I am using my phone at least 10 hours per day. I want to change, but something big inside me is preventing me to do that. It hurts me when I see myself, achieving nothing. Sometimes I try to start. I go to a new place. I do some scheduling for what to do the next day. But it remains on the paper. I feel like I don't have the power to continue. But there is a flame inside me, which I know is still alive and I can do it. I am lost.
My advisor is kind. He's telling me I need to publish. He told me that I need to graduate next spring (2020). But he doesn't push me or anything. He tells me to go to him if I had any questions, so he could lead me through my work.
I really don't appreciate the things I have now. When I look at my situation, I pity myself.
I don't know what to do now. I really appreciate your help and answers.