I got accepted into a school that I really wanted to go to for a math PhD. I finished my masters and I love math very much. It's something that I've always been extremely passionate about. I used to always go for representation theory seminars with an old professor that I did research with (we mainly did work in certain parts of representation theory) and I thoroughly enjoyed them even if I couldn't fully understand.
But I suck at math. I think I only was accepted because I'm a woman and Indian. Everyone is so smart in all my classes. During my undergraduate degree I was amongst the top of the class but once I got to a master's, I was at the bottom of the barrel. I can't understand things the way everyone else does. Everyone is always able to engage in the lesson and it takes me 4 hours just to understand the smallest thing, it's depressing.
I still got A's in almost all my classes but it wasn't hard to get an A in the classes. It's not like I deserved it and it probably deceived admissions officers.
What makes me even more depressed is that on standardized tests, I can score in the 95th percentile in english/verbal without ever cracking open a book. But it's just not the same in math, I have to try so hard and even still I don't do nearly as well as I would like.
My strengths aren't in math, I am very good with english, history and philosophy. My professors from my undergraduate degree would always encourage me to pursue these fields but I love math so much more even though I'm not good at it. I just don't know what to do, I enjoy those subjects recreationally but not something I want to pursue full-time right now. I would love to get a second master's in philosophy but it's not my priority and if I never got it, I think I'd be fine just reading the literature on my own.
Anyways, even the most basic math facts I will forget. It's embarrassing to be a PhD student and forget things so easily. I don't even want to make friends because I'm scared they will start talking about math and I won't know what they're saying
Should I just quit?