I worked in the industry for a few years before starting my PhD and learned many do's and don'ts in the workplace for how you guide subordinates to attend meetings and do things you want them to do. I'm having trouble finding the right mix of transparency/professionalism/availability that I can expect to have with my advisor. Some examples that seem to be ok with my advisor related to availability include:
- Advisor tells me I should work and come in over academic breaks
- When I'm late for a meeting, sends me an email that says "you're late, get here". Advisor is often late for their own meetings.
- On a flight back from a conference, holds a research meeting.
- When scheduling a meeting, advisor asks for conflicts, then judges the importance of my conflict vs the meeting. Tells me the meeting is more important.
- Advisor schedules recurring meeting over the time I have to eat lunch, tells me I should eat during the meeting
- Urges that I come to weekend/post-5pm informal meetups, if I say I cannot attend, asks why my conflict is more important?
Other oddities include:
- During research meeting with 15 students, the meeting table is crowded. I grab a chair 5 feet away. Advisor tells me to stand for the meeting (with a laptop).
- Advisor tells me I must share a room with another student at the conference hotel
I can't help but feel demeaned by items on this list. I'm a bit older than other students and have a family, so my conflicts are more frequent. Is this advisor-advisee treatment common in academia? I'm trying to seek out the norms of this community.