Timeline for How can I fix a relationship with a professor that has recently cooled?
Current License: CC BY-SA 3.0
23 events
| when toggle format | what | by | license | comment | |
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| Sep 8, 2016 at 12:48 | comment | added | eykanal | Please take extended discussion to Academia Chat. | |
| Sep 8, 2016 at 6:18 | comment | added | Nicole Hamilton | I guess things are different because it would not be a problem in my department (where I am an instructor). If an instructor didn't care to accept, he or she would simply say thanks but no thanks and suggest meeting in their office. Certainly no one would be insulted or feel disrespected, nor would they start imagining they were being propositioned for sex. | |
| Sep 7, 2016 at 23:32 | comment | added | user8001 | I think the professor would most likely interpret it as a lack of understanding of the hierarchical relationship between faculty members and students. Maybe things are different in your department. I would never expect the advisor to accept. | |
| Sep 7, 2016 at 21:38 | comment | added | Nicole Hamilton | Who said anything about drinks? My example was the on-campus choice between Subway and the food truck. I've had supervisors who were twice my age and some who were half. I think it's sexist to imagine that if woman has lunch with an older male that drinks and sex are probably involved. If you saw two men having lunch, would you assume they must be gay? Women have lunches with a supervisors, peers and reports here in the US all the time and deserve respect. If you actually do speculate that sex must be involved in any real case, you'll create pretty good basis for a discrimination complaint. | |
| Sep 7, 2016 at 9:33 | comment | added | Alexandros | So in the US, all male professors go one-on-one out with all their female students and have drinks or lunches? I seriously doubt that. | |
| Sep 7, 2016 at 9:00 | comment | added | Nicole Hamilton | In what "first world countries" does that happen? It certainly isn't the US. | |
| Sep 7, 2016 at 7:22 | comment | added | Alexandros | You see that from the view of a woman. In most first world countries when a 35+ male professor is out to lunch with a 25+year female student and other people (faculty, student) see them, they will probably think that he is trying to hit on her. That is why male professors have to avoid such social interactions outside their office. | |
| Sep 7, 2016 at 5:28 | comment | added | Nicole Hamilton | I'm 65 yo and I have never in my life heard of anyone being offended by an invitation to lunch. If customs vary so much this is the way it works in your country, you live in a very strange place. | |
| Sep 7, 2016 at 5:04 | comment | added | user8001 | At best he/she will think you're slightly weird; at worst he/she will actually be offended. | |
| Sep 6, 2016 at 21:27 | comment | added | eykanal | If there's one thing these comments (and voting patterns!) bring out it's that customs vary widely. You may want to discussion this particular option with other faculty—specifically, ones with whom you have a better relationship—to judge it's appropriateness in your environment. | |
| Sep 6, 2016 at 21:18 | comment | added | aparente001 | Maybe lunch would be appropriate if you were trying to get the professor to become your advisor. Otherwise this seems like too much, and therefore not likely to make you look more reliable than in the first impression you created. | |
| Sep 6, 2016 at 17:48 | comment | added | user2705196 | Students inviting a faculty member for lunch is a highly unusual thing [in the US,UK, Germany]. I'd not recommend that at all. | |
| Sep 6, 2016 at 17:25 | comment | added | Nicole Hamilton | You'd be apologizing that you did not deliver the performance for this person that you were capable of delivering and should have delivered. You're apologizing that you did not work as hard as you should have and didn't care. You left a bad impression and now you want a second chance to work with this individual. | |
| Sep 6, 2016 at 17:14 | history | edited | Nicole Hamilton | CC BY-SA 3.0 |
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| Sep 6, 2016 at 16:56 | comment | added | Cape Code | Why would someone apologize for previous poor performance? Also offering to buy lunch is poor advice, it brings a strictly professional request on a terrain that would be much too familiar for many professors not to find it awkward. | |
| Sep 6, 2016 at 16:47 | comment | added | Nicole Hamilton | If you had that concern as faculty but didn't want to seem unappreciative, could you propose an alternative, e.g., meeting at your office? I think you raise a good point, but I think it also depends on the lunch. If the only choices on campus are Subway and food trucks, how big is the COI? And could you negotiate paying for your own sub? | |
| Sep 6, 2016 at 16:12 | comment | added | Carol | As academic setting - A student taking or offering a faculty member 'lunch' (or other gifts, etc) would make most everyone quite uncomfortable in most US university/departments. (more than seems implied in this answer). | |
| Sep 6, 2016 at 15:20 | comment | added | Nicole Hamilton | Faculty have clear ethical obligations not to misunderstand these things and to remain professional. | |
| Sep 6, 2016 at 15:15 | history | edited | Nicole Hamilton | CC BY-SA 3.0 |
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| Sep 6, 2016 at 14:56 | comment | added | Alexandros | Is it common for PhD students to buy professors lunch? If those two are of different sexes this might lead to misunderstandings. | |
| Sep 6, 2016 at 14:53 | comment | added | Deleuze | Lecturers like lunch. | |
| Sep 6, 2016 at 14:44 | review | Low quality posts | |||
| Sep 6, 2016 at 14:55 | |||||
| Sep 6, 2016 at 14:27 | history | answered | Nicole Hamilton | CC BY-SA 3.0 |