Timeline for How to deal with a colleague who always puts you down?
Current License: CC BY-SA 3.0
53 events
| when toggle format | what | by | license | comment | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Jan 25, 2016 at 1:15 | vote | accept | Shamisen Expert | ||
| S Jan 25, 2016 at 1:15 | history | bounty ended | Shamisen Expert | ||
| S Jan 25, 2016 at 1:15 | history | notice removed | Shamisen Expert | ||
| Jan 25, 2016 at 1:14 | vote | accept | Shamisen Expert | ||
| Jan 25, 2016 at 1:15 | |||||
| Jan 20, 2016 at 17:21 | comment | added | crlb | annoying coworkers are not unique to academia, and there are a lot of strategies for how to deal with them. | |
| Jan 20, 2016 at 15:48 | answer | added | padawan | timeline score: 1 | |
| Jan 20, 2016 at 2:14 | history | protected | CommunityBot | ||
| Jan 19, 2016 at 23:47 | answer | added | DoubleDouble | timeline score: 3 | |
| S Jan 19, 2016 at 23:31 | history | mod moved comments to chat | |||
| S Jan 19, 2016 at 23:31 | comment | added | aeismail | Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat. | |
| Jan 19, 2016 at 19:50 | comment | added | Raydot | Don't let on that it bothers you and just smile sweetly. I love to respond with things like, "Wow, why don't you tell me how you really feel?" And then laugh like the other person has said something hilarious. Tends to stop that behavior pretty quickly. Also I agree it may be cultural. | |
| Jan 19, 2016 at 17:24 | answer | added | Kikka Kutonen | timeline score: -3 | |
| Jan 19, 2016 at 9:52 | answer | added | user47789 | timeline score: 4 | |
| Jan 19, 2016 at 5:18 | answer | added | yoyostein | timeline score: 6 | |
| S Jan 19, 2016 at 0:26 | history | bounty started | Shamisen Expert | ||
| S Jan 19, 2016 at 0:26 | history | notice added | Shamisen Expert | Reward existing answer | |
| Jan 18, 2016 at 20:22 | comment | added | JonH | It's sad you have to deal with garbage like this. Deal enough of it at work and it just sucks. | |
| Jan 18, 2016 at 17:55 | answer | added | Kirrilian | timeline score: 4 | |
| Jan 18, 2016 at 16:11 | comment | added | Davidmh | @G.Bach probably, Female Tank needs a certain number of publications to get her PhD. The work she did before doesn't count, and therefore, it doesn't appear on her publication list for the degree. | |
| Jan 18, 2016 at 16:08 | comment | added | Davidmh | Regarding doing it in front of others: people will soon notice and ignore it. I know a person who is always pointing out how he can do it better, and how his way was always better. Every time he raises his hand, everybody else rolls their eyes. | |
| Jan 17, 2016 at 22:51 | answer | added | Pete L. Clark | timeline score: 17 | |
| Jan 17, 2016 at 21:39 | comment | added | G. Bach | Nothing to do with the question asked, but I never understood the US system re "I have a few research papers published, just not at the current university so it is not listed.". Can someone explain this to me - I am only aware of recognizing papers that were published in a public venue. How does what Female Tank mentions work? | |
| Jan 17, 2016 at 21:23 | answer | added | Ying Xiong | timeline score: 12 | |
| Jan 17, 2016 at 16:07 | comment | added | gnasher729 | @BobBrown: Correct answer to "Pearls before swine"would be "you're right, I'm going first. ". | |
| Jan 17, 2016 at 16:01 | comment | added | gnasher729 | Always keep in mind that the person's whole behaviour is just a sign of deep insecurities. A person who feels secure in themselves and happy with her own achievements has no need to behave like that. If you try to defend yourself, remember that there is nothing wrong with you, what's wrong is her behaviour. | |
| Jan 17, 2016 at 4:07 | answer | added | Count Iblis | timeline score: -4 | |
| Jan 16, 2016 at 22:43 | answer | added | Sathyam | timeline score: -3 | |
| Jan 16, 2016 at 21:13 | comment | added | Quora Feans | Could it be that she's from a country where this behavior is acceptable? Maybe is just an intercultural thing. Otherwise, I wonder how a chair of a department let's her get away with this. | |
| Jan 16, 2016 at 18:26 | comment | added | Federico Poloni | This sounds a lot like a boat programming question. People like your colleague exist everywhere, not only in academia, and I see nothing academia-specific in how to deal with them. | |
| Jan 16, 2016 at 17:31 | comment | added | Alberto Debernardi | Weak people need to put others down to feel strong, just as small dogs bark towards big ones to get them scared, because they know they stand no chance. Keep this in mind and everything is ok. | |
| Jan 16, 2016 at 12:48 | comment | added | Kyslik | I can imagine the situation you are in; And it is perfect to play some mind games! Whatever she asks ask back, but in better tone! Ask her out for a coffe, tea or whatever to see her reaction and just play along. The moment you either rage or stop talking to her she "won" but there is no prize to claim. | |
| Jan 16, 2016 at 8:33 | comment | added | yoyostein | math.ucsd.edu/~fan/teach/add.htm This post on how to deal with math bullies may be relevant | |
| Jan 16, 2016 at 8:22 | answer | added | Dan Romik | timeline score: 32 | |
| Jan 16, 2016 at 7:52 | answer | added | Random Chance | timeline score: 5 | |
| Jan 16, 2016 at 6:49 | answer | added | Daniel R. Collins | timeline score: 8 | |
| Jan 16, 2016 at 6:39 | comment | added | user541686 | If you don't mind a bit of sarcasm, tell her only a fool would value her time and genius so little so as to spend it every single day an utter failure like you. | |
| Jan 16, 2016 at 6:22 | history | tweeted | twitter.com/StackAcademia/status/688244889532760065 | ||
| Jan 16, 2016 at 6:19 | answer | added | shirewoman2 | timeline score: 20 | |
| Jan 16, 2016 at 4:02 | answer | added | Osama Bin Login | timeline score: -1 | |
| Jan 16, 2016 at 2:47 | comment | added | Bob Brown | Someone waved Dorothy Parker through a door saying, "Age before beauty." She replied, "Pearls before swine." That may be apocryphal, and I don't really recommend doing it, but it won't hurt to think, "pearls before swine" now and again. | |
| Jan 16, 2016 at 2:39 | answer | added | Ed Would | timeline score: 9 | |
| Jan 16, 2016 at 2:23 | answer | added | AnotherPerson | timeline score: 2 | |
| Jan 16, 2016 at 0:41 | comment | added | Captain Emacs | @BenVoigt I understand your idea and I would agree if the criticism were factual. However, clearly here criticism is a political tool of "Alice" and in this case, any self-justification sounds apologetic. There is a reason why politicians do not like to self-justify and pretend they were right even if they know very well they weren't. In a politically hostile constellation, radiating confidence and an element of "I know what I want, and your opinion doesn't matter" is more effective than the attempt to give a rational response. Unfortunately and quite diametral to a scientist's instinct. | |
| Jan 16, 2016 at 0:34 | comment | added | Ben Voigt | @CaptainEmacs: Like I said, it won't do any good for the repeat offender. But said offender may be diminishing OP in the eyes of others, so knowing how to counter that may at times be useful. | |
| Jan 16, 2016 at 0:29 | comment | added | Captain Emacs | @BenVoigt The OP should not appear to try to gain the other person's (let's call her Alice) respect. She does not owe her anything, and does not need to prove herself in front of Alice. She needs to convince her advisers in the regular way, by good work. But it would be counterproductive for her to appear to have to prove herself to Alice. She needs to signal by attitude and behaviour (even more than by words) that she isn't going to join the game table, not now, not later. | |
| Jan 16, 2016 at 0:24 | history | edited | aeismail | CC BY-SA 3.0 |
deleted 29 characters in body; edited title
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| Jan 16, 2016 at 0:23 | comment | added | Ben Voigt | help to win you the respect of someone who assumes that coming from an IE program left you with fewer capabilities and tasks you accordingly, even while being completely polite about it. Of course you should substitute whatever high-level skills you've been developing and express them in a way that clearly says "my math is just as good, I simply solve different and equally challenging problems". | |
| Jan 16, 2016 at 0:21 | comment | added | Ben Voigt | Industrial engineering is often the brunt of undergrad jokes (we called it "imaginary engineering"), because several difficult "core" classes aren't requirements. However, as a PhD student, you probably weren't in the business of avoiding tough and interesting classes, so you should be prepared to mention what elective you had time for because you weren't taking EM theory. Graduate level courses will help in this regard even more. May not rescue the situation with this habitual offender, but knowing to mention that you studied constrained non-linear optimization methods may (continued...) | |
| Jan 16, 2016 at 0:06 | answer | added | Captain Emacs | timeline score: 49 | |
| Jan 15, 2016 at 23:54 | answer | added | user37208 | timeline score: 28 | |
| Jan 15, 2016 at 23:53 | answer | added | D.Salo | timeline score: 131 | |
| Jan 15, 2016 at 23:52 | comment | added | Sean English | I would say just bite your tongue and remind yourself that after she graduates, wherever she ends up, interdepartmental politics will make a person like her unhappy. If you aren't satisfied with this answer, it probably wouldn't hurt to bring up your issues with her to your advisor. If it affecting. The performance of your research group, it is an issue they should be aware of. | |
| Jan 15, 2016 at 23:27 | history | asked | Shamisen Expert | CC BY-SA 3.0 |